Dispassionate

Dispassionate is not a word we hear or use often. You can probably figure out the meaning of the word by looking at the root: passion.  Dispassionate means unemotional, emotionless or disinterested.

Michael Glerup, Ph.D wrote an article in Conversations magazine about the fear of God.  He looked at how early Christians understood that concept.  He wrote, "For early Christians dispassion refers to a sense of inner calm and peace. In antiquity, this disposition of self-control and inner calm could be undermined or disturbed by passions."

An odd coincidence that I read this article after I'd been reflecting on how I come across to people.  Twice in the last few days I've thought after meeting someone, "You sure are an excitable person, Lisa."  Excitable or some might call hyper, animated, enthusiastic.  These latter qualities do come in handy with my grand children.  However, I am not so sure adults appreciate this about me.

Then I read about dispassion and inner peace.

Can a person who is excitable and animated have inner peace at the same time?

Dr. Glerup continued in the article, "In the ancient world, these four passions--fear, desire, distress, delight--were viewed negatively because they diminished human freedom and were disruptive to spiritual composure."

Spiritual composure?  What's that?

I have spiritual composure if you think of it as peace of soul.  I don't doubt that God so loved the world that He gave His Only Begotten Son that whoever so believes in Him has eternal life.  I have a sense of inner calm as I relate to Christ on a daily and moment by moment basis.

In doing my Google research on this topic, I found a great article. The author, a behavioral health consultant and writer, Steven Kalas, describes a person who sounds like ME?!?

http://www.reviewjournal.com/steven-kalas/intense-personality-may-simply-need-calm-down

This article made such a connection with me that I had to copy some of it into this post:

The criticism comes in varied rhetoric, but it all comes down to the same thing: You're too intense, you suck the life out of the room, you're too demanding, you're a narcissist, you think you're better than me, I feel "put down" when I'm with you, you're condescending, you expect too much, you overwhelm me.

I ask if there are other recurring messages he has received over his lifetime. Yes, he does remember other messages: You lift my spirits, you brighten up the room when you walk in, you're optimistic, you're empathic, you have an infectious enthusiasm, you make me think, you are fluid and fun, you have a great sense of humor, you say what you mean, you have a knack for putting things into words, it's flattering to hear you share your critical reflections about what I'm doing or thinking.

I emphasize to the man that these two disparate messages are talking about the same guy. One gives his motive the benefit of the doubt. One impugns his motive, a priori.

The man is tortured by three choices. Either he surrenders to the idea that something is really terribly wrong with him, or he fakes his way through life to maintain some semblance of family and friends, or he stands on some metaphorical mountain and shouts to his tormentors "Go to hell," and decides to be alone. As I listen to him, I think he has lived most of his life doing all three things simultaneously.

I make an admiring mental note about him, that he has managed to walk these 48 years on the planet with reasonable success. I think he doesn't know how resourceful he is. How much healthy ego strength he has.

His lament is one I've heard before. There are people in the world whose type/temperament is naturally enthusiastic (from the Greek enthusia, meaning "filled with God"), who carry charisma, acute sensitivity and high energy into the world. If, on top of all this they also are intelligent ... well, they find themselves unintentionally provocative to some folks. And they are, over and over again, surprised by this, and hurt by the attacks that come.

Well, it is nice to read, "filled with God."

On a lighter note, I do have:

as we now have a Trader's Joes in Centennial, CO.

Resting in the Lord during a difficult time

Psalm 94:  19
When my anxious thoughts multiply within me,Your consolations delight my soul.

Working around the house last week, I turned on the Christian music station.  I heard this phrase from a song, "No matter what, I'm going to love You."  I stopped to glance at the television so I could see the name of the song.

Writing the last post about wasting time with God and Klaus Issler's book, how easy it was to write about resting with the Lord.  Life had been moving along in a placid way. No rough waters. Well, okay, not placid. That word would probably never describe my life.

Then something happened. A very tragic thing.

Wow, has it ever been tough to rest in the Lord.  Hard to pray. Hard to focus.

A few things I've learned at this time:
1. A couple was with us when we received the news.  They did not speak much; They prayed with us but it was their presence, sitting at our kitchen table for hours that meant the most.  They did not say, "If there is anything we can do, let us know."  I suspect they were asking God to help them notice what to do as that is just what they did. They took care of things that needed to get done. They stopped to listen when I needed to process.

2. I am eternally grateful for some people who let me process both talking to them and praying with them.  I am grateful they did not judge me for that need to process verbally.

3. Christian praise music lifts my spirits even as the Words of the Bible seem rather distant and silent at this time.

4. It is hard to rest at times like this.  In fact, I am not sure how a person does that. I certainly have not figured it. One night listening to the decade of the 90s in the Psalms, Psalm 94: 19 impressed me but I still did not feel much consolation.

Here's hoping for a smoother transition to a restful state with the Lord today and in the future....

If you give a mouse a cookie .... rest in the Lord (wasting more time with God)

My children (now adults) and I enjoyed this book. I identify with this mouse although his behavior might be considered a personality or a psychological disorder.  I start working on something, suddenly an idea comes into my mind.  I take that "rabbit trail" and start working on that idea. (This also happens doing housework...doing the dishes, I notice that the window is dirty. I stop washing the dishes and wash the window.)

I find myself in this mouse- mode while studying, working on a project, writing an email.  I defend my behavior by saying, "Well, this is just how I am. I cannot help it."

Last week I wrote about Klaus Issler's book Wasting time with God. In my typical operating mode, I am reading another book by Klaus Issler and J. P. Moreland at the same time, The Lost Virtue of Happiness.  (Disclaimer:  I am reading this book out loud with my husband so maybe I won't add this book to the pile of other books I'm reading.  Don't look at my "currently reading" list on GoodReads.)



Chapter 3 is about disciplining our minds and thoughts.  The authors wrote about an intriguing study with people with obsessive compulsive disorder, particularly washing hands constantly. The main point was that these people have "mental ruts" in one area of their brain.  (I have read other articles and books that talk about our mental ruts.)  With some help in focused meditation, the ruts actually disappeared and the people with OCD had less compulsion to wash their hands all the time, (pages 85-86 in the book).

This got me thinking about my give-a-mouse-a-cookie problem. I may not have OCD but I am easily distracted and lose focus.  Is there anything I can do to lesson those ruts I have and find more mental rest and focus?

Last summer I met with a spiritual director and she encouraged me to take time every day and sit with God She said, "Don't start planning as you do.  No pondering your to-do list. No reflection either. Don't start praying for all the people that you intercede for.  Don't ask God for any image or some special message. This is not about getting anything from God."

 She cautioned me, "Don't just empty your mind as that is a practice more of Eastern religious practices."  So I said, "Shall I memorize a Bible verse? "  My busy little mind said to myself, "Oh, boy, I can accomplish something and memorize more verses."

She said, "No.  You  might try this: Imagine just sitting alone with Jesus.  Don't try to picture what He looks like. Just rest with Him.  As thoughts come into your mind, you can send them away."

Just rest with Him. Waste a little time with Christ.  Um

Psalm 131
O Lord, my heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty;
Nor do I involve myself in great matters,
Or in things too difficult for me.
2 Surely I have composed and quieted my soul;
Like a weaned child rests against his mother,
My soul is like a weaned child within me.
3 O Israel, hope in the Lord
From this time forth and forever.

So this is what I've been doing. For short periods of time, ten minutes, to be quite honest, I imagine myself sitting next the the Lord. (I have no real image of Him, just a sense of His Presence.). We are actually next to this stream:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwoJu182uY4

As thoughts come into my mind, I toss the thoughts into the stream and they float away. Somehow this helps me settle down, rest in the Lord, waste a little time with Christ.

Ephesians 2:7 (The Message)
Now God has us where He wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. 


 Post script: I was working on something else when I got the idea for this post.  If you give a mouse a cookie, chances are...

Wasting time with God (Part 1 of probably many entries on this book)

That is the title of a favorite book of mine.  Catchy, isn't it?  Who would think of wasting time at all in our culture?  And isn't wasting time like channel surfing, watching a useless movie, or hours on social media?

The book I am referring to is subtitled: A Christian Spirituality of Friendship with God by Klaus Issler.


I think most emotionally functional people regardless of their personality type desire relationships with others. Some prefer deep relationships with a few people.  Others prefer deep relationships with many people. Note that I added the word "deep" in both sentences.  As I've written before, extroverts have the capacity and desire for deep relationships with many people. And they can actually DO THAT. They have a large capacity for people and gain energy from being with people.

At the beginning of this book mentioned above, the author quotes what I refer to a "life Bible verse," John 17: 3:  Now this is eternal life that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.  That verse  might have been the clincher for me in embracing Christ and Christianity--the idea of having a relationship with God.  Issler also mentions Revelation 21: 3 (NRSV): "The home of God is among mortals. He will dwell with them;....they will be His peoples and God Himself will be with them." 

Being a friend of God....seems outlandish in one sense yet strangely real in another.  Blaise Pascal, a famous French mathematician and philosopher, put it like this: "There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God the Creator, made known through Jesus Christ."

The "outlandish" comes to mind: God is, GOD, you know, Creator of the universe. I am just one of billions of souls.  Yet, we have a connection.  

As I have studied the gospel of John this year and continue (only on John 15 at this writing), I find myself so interested this guy John.  You may have heard a speaker refer to the apostles' personalities types. Who is the apostle extrovert, like me?  It's always Peter.  Yet I find a real connection with John.  Both of the verses I just quoted were from John's writings. Many scholars have written about the theology of the gospel of John. Clearly John presents Jesus as God through the themes of the responses of the religious leaders, the miraculous signs, and the "I am" statements.  

However, John also uses terms and themes that emphasize the relational aspect of God in His triune nature and then with us.  I often remind myself that much of what John wrote must have been shocking to the disciples:  God as Father, indwelling of the Spirit, peace of heart, Jesus' promise of His ongoing presence in their lives. 

Issler wrote that at the beginning of any relationship there is a hiddenness.  "Time and common experiences with provide the opportunity, but each party must decide whether or not it is worth the effort to bring down the barriers of self-hiddenness" (p.16)  Common experiences.  Yes, common experiences really cement a relationship.  However, we can have a common experience with God or another person and the hiddenness remains, and the relationship does not grow.

I watched the Denver Broncos football came on Sunday and just marveled at the shots from the air, "All those people in the stadium."  (All wearing orange and having spent a bundle to sit there in the cold.)  If I was there, I would be sharing an experience with the people around me but I would not have a relationship with them.  We can do things with people and yet have no relationship.  Think of conversations that you may have had or overheard on an airplane.

To have a relationship with someone, verbal and non-verbal communication has to happen. If I am just with a person and not speaking, this can be bonding as well if a close relationship already exists.   Issler implies from the title of the book that wasting time with God (such a catchy title!) will develop our friendship with God. I will read on to see exactly what he means. The truth is, though, that in order to have a relationship with God or anyone, you have to be intentional as well. When you are in an experience, you have to experience that event with the person or in this context WITH GOD.

For example, let's say you are in a difficult situation at work.  The chaos and complications build daily. How can I experience this time with God?  Or is it just like in the football stadium, God is there with the masses of people but not a part of what is really going on in my mind and heart?

In the spiritual formation community, we talk and write a lot about spiritual disciplines like prayer, fasting, reading the Bible.  I am very positive about spiritual practices.  I would like to emphasize in this posting the spiritual practice (or discipline as it might take just that, discipline) of going through daily experiences, whether exciting, mundane, frustrating, confusing, painful, fun, or frightening with God. I think it takes mental discipline to remember He is there.  How to do that?  Say something to Him, whether in your heart and mind or out loud.  If you are like me, it does help to speak out acknowledgement of His presence.  Often it is easier when there is a struggle or fear.  How much would God, who apparently really wants that kind of relationship with us, delight in that?  

I am touched and delighted when people seek out my presence.  As we are made in His image, I suspect God has those same feelings as well.

The power of words

I am kind of tied up these days and not able to write, but read this short blog on the power of words. Since I like words and extroverts like me use a lot of words, this is a good reminder and encouragement.

From Faith Gateway: Devotionals Daily
http://contentz.mkt4728.com/mson/2013/12/28/xASZyoogBU8d/index.html

The Power of Words by Craig Groeschel from Soul Detox You don’t have to have a big nose to have heard the childhood mantra, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Just because it’s spouted by first graders doesn’t mean it’s true. Perhaps the adult translation of this age-old adage is more like, “Sticks and stones can bruise your body for a few days, but words can scar your soul for life.” Like a neutron bomb which annihilates human life but leaves buildings intact,words can devastate. Your body may remain unharmed, but your heart suffers the deadly shrapnel of painful phrases. David, who knew a thing or two about having enemies in high places, wrote that evildoers “sharpen their tongues like swords and aim cruel words like deadly arrows” (Psalm 64:3). Whether you’re eighteen or eighty, you can probably recall the pain of someone’s harsh words scalding your soul. Maybe you still hear the message from years ago, playing an endless loop in your mind, echoing inside you every day. “You’ll never amount to anything.” “I wish I never had you.” “You’re nothing like your brother.” “I’m sick of you.” “I never loved you.” “You’ll never change.” As devastating as these words can be, they can be offset by words of truth, hope, and love. The right words at the right time can be helpful, healing, and life-transforming. Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue has the power of life and death.” What you say can give life to you and to other people, or it can take life away. Words are powerful beyond imagination. Think about it. When God created the world, how did he do it? He spoke. God said, “Let there be...” and there was. Words have power. In so many fairy tales, legends, and myths, it’s the power of a spoken spell, incantation, or magic phrase that can either cause destruction or restore harmony. The potency of godly words can revive, heal, and change our lives. Ungodly words have the power to bind, imprison, and destroy. -  Creative words create. Destructive words destroy. -  Hurtful words crush. Helpful words build up. -  Toxic words poison. Soothing words heal. -  Faith-filled words bring life. Faithless words bring death. Several passages in the Bible clearly contrast the difference. The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. — Proverbs 12:18 What are reckless words? They’re the shards of glass you hurl in the heat of an argument. They’re the words you know you’ll regret as soon as they’ve left your tongue. They’re the bitter, painful, cancerous messages that leave people sick and hurting. Talking out of the other side of your mouth, the tongue of the wise brings encouragement, joy, and wisdom. Proverbs 15:4 expresses this duality another way: “The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.” Positive words plant seeds for beautiful trees. Deceptive words poison others like weed killer. If you are like most people, you can recall several of the many toxic phrases that have been directed at you. They could have been innocent: “Did you mean to do that to your hair?” “Why aren’t you married yet?” “I thought you would do much better than that.” Or perhaps the words were intended to pierce your heart like a poison dagger: “Why can’t you do anything right?” “I wish I’d never married you.” “You’re a real piece of work.” “You are the biggest disappointment to me.” My hope is that you can also remember life-giving words spoken to you at the precise moment you needed them. Maybe someone told you,“I believe in you,” and it was all you needed to move forward. It could’ve been someone saying, “I’m so proud of you,” and their affirmation touched your soul. Maybe a close friend shared, “I’m more thankful for you than you could ever know,” and in return, those words meant more to you than your friend would ever know. The words spoken by a loving spouse can often communicate, “I’d marry you all over again,” reminding you of their support. Another proverb compares such words to honey and to medicine: “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24). I’m thankful for the people in my life who fed me sweet words of affirmation and encouragement. My wife Amy’s words have often kept me going. When I’m down and feeling inadequate for the ministry before me, she reminds me who I am and what I have in Christ. When others criticize our style of ministry, she reminds me that God called us to do a different work. And sometimes, she simply calls me her Mega-man! I may be an average guy, but I like knowing that I’m her superhero. We obviously can’t control what others say about us, but we can control what we believe. Since toxic words can destroy our souls, we’ve got to passionately guard our hearts against them. Do whatever it takes to keep the poison out of your heart. Solomon told his son, “Listen closely to my words... Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:20, Proverbs 4:23, emphasis mine). With his life-giving words, a protective father warned his son to guard his heart as his life source. We must keep others from dumping their toxic waste into our water supply. Countless times a day, when it comes to what you hear and say, you have choices to make. When you hear the words of others, you can choose to receive them as truth or reject them as lies. And every time you open your mouth to utter a word, you have the opportunity to speak life or the temptation to take it. Think back through the past few days. When you spoke to others, what did they hear? Either you aimed sharp, poison-tipped darts at their hearts, or you injected them with life-giving, God-honoring booster shots. * * *

Introverts make it again to the Huffington Post

Just in case you as an introvert stumbled upon this blog or for the maybe one person that is an introvert and has read my blog, this is a good article but I do have a few things to say....

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/20/introverts-signs-am-i-introverted_n_3721431.html

Here are the 23 signs in short version with 23 signs am-I-extroverted  (note how much more verbose the extroverted version is)

1. You find small talk incredibly cumbersome.

Extrovert: Actually you don't really like small talk either. You just like to talk to people and prefer intelligent, deep conversation. But small talk is the way to start a conversation about less superficial matters.

2. You go to parties but not to meet people.

Extrovert:  You like meeting new people as people are fascinating, all are special and it's a privilege to be involved with people even at a party.  You like to reach out to people and you learn so much about yourself, the world and people from others.

3.  You often feel alone in a crowd.

Extrovert: This can actually happen to you also.

4. Networking makes you feel like a phony

Extrovert:  Networking is a way to help and connect people. You feel a great sense of accomplishment and even joy when you can network effectively.

5. You've been called too intense.

Extrovert:  You also have been called too intense so what does that mean???

6.  You're easily distracted.

Extrovert:  Are you kidding me?  You are WAY MORE easily distracted than an introvert.

7. Down time does not feel unproductive to you.

Extrovert:  You like down time too.  Introverts do not have the corner on downtime. Naps are GREAT as are quiet mornings with the Lord.

8.  Giving a talk in front of 500 people is less stressful than having to mingle with those people afterwards.

Extrovert:  You might also find speaking in front of 500 people stressful but you do enjoy connecting with individuals afterwards.

9.  When you get on the subway, you sit at the end of the bench -– not in the middle.

Extrovert:  You also like to sit at the end near the window so you can look out at the people or think about where you are going and get excited about that.  On planes, you don't necessarily like to talk to the person in the seat next to you.  Sometimes those people talk too much and then you realize they are actually introverts.  (Yeah, it's weird but it happens often.) You kind of like it up there in the clouds, closer to the heavens... 

10. You start to shut down after you've been active too long.

Extrovert:  You start to brighten up and smile when you are active and with people. Smiling makes people feel comfortable around you.

11.  You are in a relationship with an extrovert.

Extrovert: You are in a relationship with an introvert and sometimes would like to hit him/her over the head when he/she withdraws.  But then you decide to go to the coffee shop and have a pumpkin spiced latte (in autumn) or gingerbread latte (NOW) and meet a friend.  Or you might call someone on the phone, answer email, have a Google Hangout. 

12. You'd rather be an expert at one thing than try to do everything.

Extrovert: You might want to focus in life (introverts do not have the corner on being an expert in one things,) but there are always new and exciting things happening in the world so why not enjoy those also?

13. You actively avoid any shows that might involve audience participation.

Extrovert: You may not like audience participation either and are beginning to resent the obvious jabs at your personality type from this article. But you are a magnanimous person and decide to assume the best. (What is "the best" here?) And you note that although introverts don't like audience participation why are so many introverts constantly posting about their lives on social media???

14.  You screen all your calls-- even from friends.

Extrovert:  You are rather excited when the phone rings and disappointed if it's a telemarketer. However, you have been known to talk to the telemarketer if you are in the mood.  You screen calls as well.

15.  You notice details that others don't

Extrovert:  Not just for introverts.....nope.  You notice details too.  You notice when someone feels awkward at a party and you go up to them to make them feel comfortable. You are good at that.

16.  You have a constantly running inner monologue.

Extrovert:  You have a constantly running inner monologue also.  You don't talk all the time and you have been hurt and offended by those who make jokes about you in front of others about your verbal processing. 

17.  You have low blood pressure.

Extrovert: There it is again, the bias against extroverts..... now we are talking blood pressure?  What next?  You don't necessarily have high blood pressure. 

18.  You have been called an "old soul" ---since your 20s.

Extrovert: People think you are younger than you are because of your enthusiasm for life and people. 

19. You don' feel "high" from your surroundings.

Extrovert:  You feel high and upbeat from your surroundings.  So what?  Is that like a PROBLEM???

20. You look at the big picture.

Extrovert:  That is NOT an introverted trait alone and I am getting tired that the introverts are claiming traits like this.

21.  You have been told to come out of your "shell."

Extrovert:  You have been told many unkind and insensitive about the way you are. So whatever... Being told to come out of your "shell" is mild compared to the things you've been told.

22. You're a writer.

Extrovert:  Oh stop. I mean, really. Extroverts are writers too.  You journal all the time especially in your devotional and travel diaries and you know many, MANY introverts that never write...except maybe too much information on Facebook.

23. You alternate between phases of work and solitude, and periods of social activity.

Extrovert: You alternate between phases of work and solitude, and periods of social activity.  Yes, I wrote the same thing!  Extroverts behave the same way. 

Learning in Community

I play the violin, not well, but I play.  I truly regret not practicing more as a child.  I wish my parents had been harder on me in that regard.  I struggled with private lessons because I did not like playing and practicing alone.  I had started on the piano but  the violin was a good instrument for me because I could play in community.  When I played with others, I improved not just a little but a lot.

Hindsight on learning the violin for my personality type:
1.  Well, first of all, I should have had a smaller instrument when I started. I think this would have helped a great deal.  It was sort of like trying to feed a hamburger to a baby. 

2. I should have been in group lessons from the start.  I just learn more effectively, more "fruitfully" when I am learning with others.  (I realize that I was too young to understand this.  I don't blame my parents either.  At the time I was growing up, parents in my culture did not think about these things.)

Doing my spiritual analogy thing-- we can try to jump into learning and growing in Christ at a level that does not fit where we are in life. As we help others grow, we need to help them understand themselves and be open to helping them learn and grow in ways suited best for them. If they need a small violin, help them get one! If they are struggling growing in Christ on their own, help them yourself (small community) or get them in a group.


Now for a word from internet expertise:

 Shared activity provides a meaningful social context for learning…Social interaction provides support in a physical sense as well as a motivational sense…Through talking and communicating, the gaps and flaws in one’s thinking become explicit and accessible to correction…thought becomes sequential and visible to the thinker. (Bodrova and Leong, 1996, p. 110)  http://web.utk.edu/~rmcneele/classroom/theories.html

Amen! I like the reference to motivation.  Groups motivate me.  Others help me see more clearly where I am flawed in my thinking and actions.

I memorized these Bible verses almost 40 years ago never quite understanding how significant they are is to who I am.

Hebrews 10: 24, 25 (my version for memory)
And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

In another translation: The Voice

 Let us consider how to inspire each other to greater love and to righteous deeds, not forgetting to gather as a community, as some have forgotten, but encouraging each other, especially as the day of His return approaches.

In this chapter (10) of Hebrews, the author is finishing up the comparison of the Old Testament way of worshiping God (sacrificial system) and Jesus's single sacrifice, once for all, for sin.  Because of Christ's birth, life, death and resurrection, unique in all history because He was God, we can have a joyous confidence in our spirit, a hope that cannot always be put in words (though some of us who like words try).

This inner spark, that comes only through trusting in Christ, is the foundation for why I want to learn more about God, grow more to be like Christ and spur others on to growth in Christ as well.

That "spark" is fanned when there are others around me motivating me, correcting me, laughing with me, accomplishing with me. 

The music for this year's Christmas concert at church is tough, especially the rhythms.  I could not get those until I played with the other strings.  I initiated two practices "with others" and I'll do it again.  I not only appreciate but I enjoy practicing and learning with others. (Not to mention fun.)  It's true for me in my walk with Christ as well as my playing the violin.