A blog about silence, conversation and culture-not really about spiritual formation but...

This young blogger shares some good thoughts on silence as well as culture. I have often wondered about personality type in terms of culture.  His blog post would suggest that personality type, specifically the extrovert and introvert dichotomy, might be more linked to culture than the way a person is wired.

He is speaking about silence in the context of conversation..... not all aspects of silence such as having a time of fasting from words or a day of silence for the purpose of reflection.

I've bolded a few of his statements that might be considered general and also made some comments in italics and red

 http://virtualwayfarer.com/nordic-conversations-are-different/

Silence. It is something Americans hate. In your typical American conversation you’ll rarely find such a thing as a comfortable silence, a reflective silence, or a natural silence.   Yes, he is specifically referring to conversation. Yet some Americans do seem comfortable with silence in conversation.

For the average American in a normal conversation there’s really only one type of silence and that is awkward silence. A type of silence that we’re taught from childhood to avoid at all costs.  This stems in large part from the American conversational approach which I think can best be described as conversational layering with each person quickly layering on new overlapping information in rapid succession. Add in the fast-paced rapid-fire approach to speaking common among most Americans and you’ve got a recipe for frustration and perceived arrogance when talking to Nordics / Scandinavians (and other internationals). 

Unlike Americans, Nordics/Scandinavians have a conversational culture which treasures the silences. This comes from a significantly increased comfort with silence compared to their American counterparts. Nordics/Scandinavians have a very turn-based structure and style. While the Finnish are notorious for the slow pacing of their conversations and their extreme comfort with what would otherwise be considered painfully uncomfortable periods of silence, it is a trend present to a lesser extent across all of the Nordic countries.  The result is a conversational practice which is heavily turn based with definite gaps to signify the closure of a point. In this way a traditional Nordic conversation much more closely resembles the structure of formal debate than a round table free-for-all discussion.

Due to the near bilingualism of most Nordic citizens and the fact that many also speak American English with very mild accents,  This means that when the conversational silences occur during the natural flow of a conversation, they are amplified because of the added need to process, digest, and periodically search for missing words. Something confounded when talking with native English speakers due to our heavy use of regional slang and provincial idioms. Good points here in terms of cross cultural communication. We fast-talking American English speakers can learn a few things in this paragraph. 

In discussions with Danish friends and by closely exploring my own conversations, I’ve come to realize that this translates into a certain level of frustration among Nordics when talking with native speakers. It can often translate into the perception that the American (or other native speaker) is arrogant, dismissive, not paying attention, and/or rude.  Keeping in mind the two conversational styles I mentioned previously, here are a few areas where I’ve watched issues arise.

Affirmation behavior

A common American practice to show continued engagement with a conversation is to give constant positive feedback.  This can either be gestural (movement) or verbal (spoken) and comes in a variety of forms but usually includes movements such as head nods, finger pointing, and shoulder shrugs while the verbal includes words like “uhhumm”, “yup, yup, ya”, or “definitely”.  While these are intended and expressed by Americans as a way of confirming engagement with the conversation, filling small gaps, and expressing agreement, interest or sympathy, I’ve found they often confuse non-native speakers who see them either as an interruption, inquiry, or dismissive attempt to speed the person up.

This is a good observation.  I appreciate some acknowledgement  in conversation that the person I am talking to hears me. That stoic look from someone when in conversation can be unnerving.

Interruptions

Because we don’t employ nearly the same type of strictly turn-based conversation flow, as soon as there’s a brief pause it is viewed as an opening for responding.  While this can be a challenge even among native speakers, it is a much larger issue when speaking with Nordics who often feel interrupted, ignored, or talked over.  This is where the two conversational styles clash the most dramatically as the Nordic is often pausing to collect their thoughts, breathe, and then continue their point at what feels like a comfortably rapid pace with the expectation that their conversational partner will similarly understand that they’re still expressing their whole thought before advancing the conversation.  For Americans, particularly if they’re highly engaged in a conversation, they’ll endeavor to keep it moving at a fast pace in a rush to share ideas and thoughts. 

American introverts I know do need time to process in conversation.

This means that anything more than the briefest pause to breathe will be viewed as either an opportunity or outright invitation to speak with longer gaps viewed as uncomfortable pauses.  There is also a difficult to express set of rules for when you can interrupt for more clarification, disagreement, or to add details. Which in turn sometimes leads to conversational processes that override these acceptable interruption such as,  “No, no, no, let me finish…” and other statements which, while still present, seem to be radically less common among Nordics.

Longer Sentences and Tangents

Nordics take pride in saying something simply and are famous for their directness.

Well, this does describe my Northern European heritage spouse!

  I think this is partially cultural, but also comes from the nature of the Nordic languages which are often highly contextual and descriptive but tend not to have the same depth and breadth of synonyms as English. The lack of a word for ‘please’ in Danish is one such example of this in action. Nordics in general tend towards a more direct way of interacting with each other conversationally, particularly in the workplace, which can be quite shocking to Americans, particularly those from the Midwest and western part of the US where politically correct politeness is taken to an extreme.

Oh yea! I've experienced that directness from those Nordic types.

The end result is that not only do native speakers opt for longer and more complex sentences that may be necessary or popular among their Nordic counterparts, we will also use these subconsciously to fill or outright avoid uncomfortable silences. Where a simple “yes” might do, you’ll find ample situations where a long explanation or carefully framed answer is delivered instead.

Perceived Unhappiness

The Nordic inclination towards increased levels of silence and more complete but less common responses can lead to perceptions of unhappiness, boredom, and discontent.  Since these attributes are often associated with conversational discomfort or disengagement among Americans, it is entirely possible for a fully engaged Dane to come across as upset or disconnected from the conversation.  Which in turn tends to leave Americans feeling inclined to fill any silences that exist, change topics, or ask outright what’s wrong – often to the complete confusion of the Nordic in question.

We’ll Help

Out of our aversion to silence or disruption to the conversational flow and pacing when another individual (Dane, Nordic or American) is struggling with recalling a word or over a word’s pronunciation it is common practice among many Americans to jump in and provide that word.This is in part an extension of the affirmation behavior I mentioned earlier – showing we’re paying attention and invested in the conversation – as much as it has to do with preventing an uncomfortable silence. However, to non-native speakers it can also come across as disrespectful by being seen as a reminder of the individual’s lack of native fluency or linguistic/conversational competence. It’s important to note that this ‘helpful behavior’ is something that native speakers do with each other all the time. They offer it as an act of general politeness not from a position of judgement or superiority.

Good points here.  I tend to do this whether the person is an native English speaker or not!

It’s Not A Perfect Science

While I’ve drawn these insights primarily from my time spent here in Denmark engaged inc conversations with Danes, they’re based on more widespread trends which can be traced throughout the Nordics/Scandinavia. I think many of these behavioral and conversational characteristics are also relevant when considering conversations with other non-native speaker from other cultures and regions globally.  I’d love to hear what your thoughts are, particularly if you’re a non-native English speaker.

- See more at: http://virtualwayfarer.com/nordic-conversations-are-different/#sthash.Nv62rYxP.dpuf

In terms of spiritual formation, often those who teach on prayer make the point that prayer is not a conversation with God unless there is silence for God to speak to one's heart and spirit.  But is prayer (in biblical teaching ) a conversation with God or simply His children sharing our hearts, burdens, requests with Him? Was prayer ever meant to be a conversation with God like we'd have with another human being? 

I did a brief key word search on Bible Gateway, just the word "prayer." 154 results. Kind of amazed.....seems like most of the verses implied prayer is not a conversation with God in that we expect Him to SPEAK in some way back to us, but a sharing of what's on our heart and mind concerning ourselves, others and even world events.

This post had me thinking about how I converse with others as well as with the Lord.

What we cannot see

During the summer months I spend a lot of time on my back deck.   I live in Colorado, land without humidity and bugs.  Yes, we have both but not as much as other places I've lived.  As I work,  I often look up to my garden; this is my view:

This week I noticed something unusual, not visible in this picture and impossible to photograph.

At a certain time in the morning, when the sun reaches one point, tiny flying creatures, more than I can count, become visible.  And this is the thing:  If I walk towards the garden and through those creatures, I feel absolutely nothing.  I don't see them as I walk and I don't feel them either.

I have always loved the story of Elisha and his attendant before a big battle recorded in 2 Kings 6: 15-17.  

Now when the attendant of the man of God had risen early and gone out, behold, an army with horses and chariots was circling the city. And his servant said to him, "Alas, my master! What shall we do?" So he answered, "Do not fear, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them." Then Elisha prayed and said, "O LORD, I pray, open his eyes that he may see." And the LORD opened the servant's eyes and he saw; and behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.… 

There are just so many hints in this world that there is more around me than I can see. I wonder what else I cannot see.  I wonder if I could mentally handle what I cannot see. Although I think how special it must have been for Elisha's attendant to suddenly see what was invisible moments before.

As someone said, "Humbled by such wonders, we can then be excited at the prospect at uncovering long-buried treasures of His creation, lying dormant for our discovery, delight, and use."

This little picture this morning, reminds me that there is more going on  in this world than meets the eye.

"Louis Aggasiz, Harvard's renowned biologist, returned one September to his classroom and announced to his students that he had spent the summer traveling, he had managed,he said, to get halfway across his backyard."  (p. 43 Eugene Peterson, Eat this Book, published in 2000).

Does God really intend for complete contentment in His company?

I listened to one of my favorite extroverts, in a pleading tone, share about how hard it has been for her on the mission field. She still struggles with the language and she said with such angst, "I am just such a relational person. I know that I am supposed to be content with just having the Lord to commune with but I feel a real void."

The very next day I read a chapter in Klaus Issler and J.P. Moreland's book, The Lost Art of Happiness.  The chapter is entitled, "Cultivating Spiritual Friendships."  Issler wrote the book, Wasting Time With God: Cultivating Friendship with God.  In that book Issler made the point that our friendships with humans help us cultivate a friendship with God.

Issler referred to himself as "recovering loner."  (I wonder if that phrase might bother some people. Is it a bad thing to be a loner??)

Let me quote Issler here (p. 180)

I came to the point that I realized a haunting truth: If I can't depend on a few trusted others whom I can see, what makes me so sure that I can really rely on God , whom I cannot see? Might an adaptation of I John 4: 20 fit here?  "If we say we depend on God yet can't depend on a fellow believer, we are liars." Lately, I've seen that life is a school for learning how to have faith in others and not depend on ourselves alone. God actually made us to function and flourish by mutual dependence on spiritual friends. From early on, our experiences can help us learn how to depend on others, to grow our "trust" muscles--ultimately, so we can deepen our trust and reliance on God.

Later in that chapter Issler wrote how the model of our relationships is the Triune God Himself.  I had one of those "ah ha" moments reading this chapter.  We so often hear people of all different belief systems quote the Bible although they might not acknowledge their source:  "God is love" (I John 4: 8).  This little phrase is not in context or in reality a statement making God out to be a feeling.  This is a statement about God's Triune nature.  Love cannot be expressed in a lone way.  I had wondered about the idea:  Did God have to create humans in His image to complete Himself? Did He need humans to express love?  

Understanding God in Trinity I realized, He did not need us to be Lerfect love.  God truly is love because "the love relationships within the Trinity set the tone and benchmark for all our relationships" (182, Issler). 

Trust is not an easy concept to understand and exercise.  Hebrews 11: 1 says, "Without faith, it is impossible to please God."  In a recent course on The Gospel, the teacher (Bill Tell) said, "What if we woke up in the morning and instead of saying, 'What can I do to please God today....but rather, how can I trust You today?'"  I think we have been trained to think of things to do to please God when what He wants is our trust.

As Klaus Issler wrote, we can learn to trust God whom we cannot see by trusting people who we can see. There is a huge risk, though, with people.  People can disappoint and betray.  I believe there are people out there whom we can trust and in those relationships we can learn more how we can trust God.

Learning to pray

The other morning I read a post from the devotional, 40 Days with Dietrich Bonhoeffer.  He wrote about the importance of solitude as well as community. He presented a balanced approach.

Whoever cannot be alone should beware of community. Whoever cannot stand being in community should beware of being alone.

Although this surprises some people, I like to be alone.  I spend a great deal of time alone. However, I have grown more and learned more when I am with others.

How does this relate to prayer?

 People often ask me how and why I can be positive about my prayer life especially since I am such an extrovert and avoid solitude.  When I ask other people about their prayer lives,  they often give a negative response, almost filled with shame.  This grieves me.

The main reason I am positive about my prayer life is very simple:  I pray OFTEN with people. I know that we have the examples of Moses alone in the wilderness for 40 year and coming upon the Lord in a burning bush; David out there with his sheep on the hillside; the Apostle Paul spending years in Arabia and Jesus going alone to pray all night as recorded in Luke 9. These examples bear note.  I can learn from these examples and challenge myself.

However, over the long haul, praying with people has changed my life and my prayer life.

Praying with other people seems to strengthen private prayer.  I say this from my own experience as well as what others have told me.

For more on this subject,  check out study 4 of this Lifeway Study, Praying like Jesus
http://www.lifeway.com/lwc/files/lwcf_pdf_ezell_prayinglikejesus.pdf

The author points out in Luke 9 how we see Jesus going alone to pray and then a few days later He prayed with others.  In verse 18, Jesus went alone to pray.  About a week later (Luke 9:28), he took Peter, James and John to the mountain to pray. Praying with Jesus....that would be wonderful training, beyond imagination.

So if you are serious about praying, pray with others.  I have been blessed with a prayer partner who lived across the street in Singapore.  (We still occasionally pray over the time zones via Google Hangout.)  I met for prayer with two women who lived near me for 10 years.  I started in 2001 praying on the phone every Saturday morning with a relative. This was before Skype and Google Hangout.  We advanced beyond phone technology when she moved overseas.  And I am exceptionally blessed with a husband who so readily prays with me.....every morning at 6:30 am unless one of us is traveling, and when we drive any distance at all, we often drive and pray.

You can see that the reason I can be positive about how I've developed a life of prayer is partly because of others.  I thank God for these people who have taught me to pray.  Remember, the disciples asked Jesus to teach them to pray.  He was right there in the flesh with them and He taught them to pray. And people are right with us in the flesh and they can teach us to pray.

Dispassionate

Dispassionate is not a word we hear or use often. You can probably figure out the meaning of the word by looking at the root: passion.  Dispassionate means unemotional, emotionless or disinterested.

Michael Glerup, Ph.D wrote an article in Conversations magazine about the fear of God.  He looked at how early Christians understood that concept.  He wrote, "For early Christians dispassion refers to a sense of inner calm and peace. In antiquity, this disposition of self-control and inner calm could be undermined or disturbed by passions."

An odd coincidence that I read this article after I'd been reflecting on how I come across to people.  Twice in the last few days I've thought after meeting someone, "You sure are an excitable person, Lisa."  Excitable or some might call hyper, animated, enthusiastic.  These latter qualities do come in handy with my grand children.  However, I am not so sure adults appreciate this about me.

Then I read about dispassion and inner peace.

Can a person who is excitable and animated have inner peace at the same time?

Dr. Glerup continued in the article, "In the ancient world, these four passions--fear, desire, distress, delight--were viewed negatively because they diminished human freedom and were disruptive to spiritual composure."

Spiritual composure?  What's that?

I have spiritual composure if you think of it as peace of soul.  I don't doubt that God so loved the world that He gave His Only Begotten Son that whoever so believes in Him has eternal life.  I have a sense of inner calm as I relate to Christ on a daily and moment by moment basis.

In doing my Google research on this topic, I found a great article. The author, a behavioral health consultant and writer, Steven Kalas, describes a person who sounds like ME?!?

http://www.reviewjournal.com/steven-kalas/intense-personality-may-simply-need-calm-down

This article made such a connection with me that I had to copy some of it into this post:

The criticism comes in varied rhetoric, but it all comes down to the same thing: You're too intense, you suck the life out of the room, you're too demanding, you're a narcissist, you think you're better than me, I feel "put down" when I'm with you, you're condescending, you expect too much, you overwhelm me.

I ask if there are other recurring messages he has received over his lifetime. Yes, he does remember other messages: You lift my spirits, you brighten up the room when you walk in, you're optimistic, you're empathic, you have an infectious enthusiasm, you make me think, you are fluid and fun, you have a great sense of humor, you say what you mean, you have a knack for putting things into words, it's flattering to hear you share your critical reflections about what I'm doing or thinking.

I emphasize to the man that these two disparate messages are talking about the same guy. One gives his motive the benefit of the doubt. One impugns his motive, a priori.

The man is tortured by three choices. Either he surrenders to the idea that something is really terribly wrong with him, or he fakes his way through life to maintain some semblance of family and friends, or he stands on some metaphorical mountain and shouts to his tormentors "Go to hell," and decides to be alone. As I listen to him, I think he has lived most of his life doing all three things simultaneously.

I make an admiring mental note about him, that he has managed to walk these 48 years on the planet with reasonable success. I think he doesn't know how resourceful he is. How much healthy ego strength he has.

His lament is one I've heard before. There are people in the world whose type/temperament is naturally enthusiastic (from the Greek enthusia, meaning "filled with God"), who carry charisma, acute sensitivity and high energy into the world. If, on top of all this they also are intelligent ... well, they find themselves unintentionally provocative to some folks. And they are, over and over again, surprised by this, and hurt by the attacks that come.

Well, it is nice to read, "filled with God."

On a lighter note, I do have:

as we now have a Trader's Joes in Centennial, CO.

Resting in the Lord during a difficult time

Psalm 94:  19
When my anxious thoughts multiply within me,Your consolations delight my soul.

Working around the house last week, I turned on the Christian music station.  I heard this phrase from a song, "No matter what, I'm going to love You."  I stopped to glance at the television so I could see the name of the song.

Writing the last post about wasting time with God and Klaus Issler's book, how easy it was to write about resting with the Lord.  Life had been moving along in a placid way. No rough waters. Well, okay, not placid. That word would probably never describe my life.

Then something happened. A very tragic thing.

Wow, has it ever been tough to rest in the Lord.  Hard to pray. Hard to focus.

A few things I've learned at this time:
1. A couple was with us when we received the news.  They did not speak much; They prayed with us but it was their presence, sitting at our kitchen table for hours that meant the most.  They did not say, "If there is anything we can do, let us know."  I suspect they were asking God to help them notice what to do as that is just what they did. They took care of things that needed to get done. They stopped to listen when I needed to process.

2. I am eternally grateful for some people who let me process both talking to them and praying with them.  I am grateful they did not judge me for that need to process verbally.

3. Christian praise music lifts my spirits even as the Words of the Bible seem rather distant and silent at this time.

4. It is hard to rest at times like this.  In fact, I am not sure how a person does that. I certainly have not figured it. One night listening to the decade of the 90s in the Psalms, Psalm 94: 19 impressed me but I still did not feel much consolation.

Here's hoping for a smoother transition to a restful state with the Lord today and in the future....

If you give a mouse a cookie .... rest in the Lord (wasting more time with God)

My children (now adults) and I enjoyed this book. I identify with this mouse although his behavior might be considered a personality or a psychological disorder.  I start working on something, suddenly an idea comes into my mind.  I take that "rabbit trail" and start working on that idea. (This also happens doing housework...doing the dishes, I notice that the window is dirty. I stop washing the dishes and wash the window.)

I find myself in this mouse- mode while studying, working on a project, writing an email.  I defend my behavior by saying, "Well, this is just how I am. I cannot help it."

Last week I wrote about Klaus Issler's book Wasting time with God. In my typical operating mode, I am reading another book by Klaus Issler and J. P. Moreland at the same time, The Lost Virtue of Happiness.  (Disclaimer:  I am reading this book out loud with my husband so maybe I won't add this book to the pile of other books I'm reading.  Don't look at my "currently reading" list on GoodReads.)



Chapter 3 is about disciplining our minds and thoughts.  The authors wrote about an intriguing study with people with obsessive compulsive disorder, particularly washing hands constantly. The main point was that these people have "mental ruts" in one area of their brain.  (I have read other articles and books that talk about our mental ruts.)  With some help in focused meditation, the ruts actually disappeared and the people with OCD had less compulsion to wash their hands all the time, (pages 85-86 in the book).

This got me thinking about my give-a-mouse-a-cookie problem. I may not have OCD but I am easily distracted and lose focus.  Is there anything I can do to lesson those ruts I have and find more mental rest and focus?

Last summer I met with a spiritual director and she encouraged me to take time every day and sit with God She said, "Don't start planning as you do.  No pondering your to-do list. No reflection either. Don't start praying for all the people that you intercede for.  Don't ask God for any image or some special message. This is not about getting anything from God."

 She cautioned me, "Don't just empty your mind as that is a practice more of Eastern religious practices."  So I said, "Shall I memorize a Bible verse? "  My busy little mind said to myself, "Oh, boy, I can accomplish something and memorize more verses."

She said, "No.  You  might try this: Imagine just sitting alone with Jesus.  Don't try to picture what He looks like. Just rest with Him.  As thoughts come into your mind, you can send them away."

Just rest with Him. Waste a little time with Christ.  Um

Psalm 131
O Lord, my heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty;
Nor do I involve myself in great matters,
Or in things too difficult for me.
2 Surely I have composed and quieted my soul;
Like a weaned child rests against his mother,
My soul is like a weaned child within me.
3 O Israel, hope in the Lord
From this time forth and forever.

So this is what I've been doing. For short periods of time, ten minutes, to be quite honest, I imagine myself sitting next the the Lord. (I have no real image of Him, just a sense of His Presence.). We are actually next to this stream:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwoJu182uY4

As thoughts come into my mind, I toss the thoughts into the stream and they float away. Somehow this helps me settle down, rest in the Lord, waste a little time with Christ.

Ephesians 2:7 (The Message)
Now God has us where He wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. 


 Post script: I was working on something else when I got the idea for this post.  If you give a mouse a cookie, chances are...

Wasting time with God (Part 1 of probably many entries on this book)

That is the title of a favorite book of mine.  Catchy, isn't it?  Who would think of wasting time at all in our culture?  And isn't wasting time like channel surfing, watching a useless movie, or hours on social media?

The book I am referring to is subtitled: A Christian Spirituality of Friendship with God by Klaus Issler.


I think most emotionally functional people regardless of their personality type desire relationships with others. Some prefer deep relationships with a few people.  Others prefer deep relationships with many people. Note that I added the word "deep" in both sentences.  As I've written before, extroverts have the capacity and desire for deep relationships with many people. And they can actually DO THAT. They have a large capacity for people and gain energy from being with people.

At the beginning of this book mentioned above, the author quotes what I refer to a "life Bible verse," John 17: 3:  Now this is eternal life that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.  That verse  might have been the clincher for me in embracing Christ and Christianity--the idea of having a relationship with God.  Issler also mentions Revelation 21: 3 (NRSV): "The home of God is among mortals. He will dwell with them;....they will be His peoples and God Himself will be with them." 

Being a friend of God....seems outlandish in one sense yet strangely real in another.  Blaise Pascal, a famous French mathematician and philosopher, put it like this: "There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God the Creator, made known through Jesus Christ."

The "outlandish" comes to mind: God is, GOD, you know, Creator of the universe. I am just one of billions of souls.  Yet, we have a connection.  

As I have studied the gospel of John this year and continue (only on John 15 at this writing), I find myself so interested this guy John.  You may have heard a speaker refer to the apostles' personalities types. Who is the apostle extrovert, like me?  It's always Peter.  Yet I find a real connection with John.  Both of the verses I just quoted were from John's writings. Many scholars have written about the theology of the gospel of John. Clearly John presents Jesus as God through the themes of the responses of the religious leaders, the miraculous signs, and the "I am" statements.  

However, John also uses terms and themes that emphasize the relational aspect of God in His triune nature and then with us.  I often remind myself that much of what John wrote must have been shocking to the disciples:  God as Father, indwelling of the Spirit, peace of heart, Jesus' promise of His ongoing presence in their lives. 

Issler wrote that at the beginning of any relationship there is a hiddenness.  "Time and common experiences with provide the opportunity, but each party must decide whether or not it is worth the effort to bring down the barriers of self-hiddenness" (p.16)  Common experiences.  Yes, common experiences really cement a relationship.  However, we can have a common experience with God or another person and the hiddenness remains, and the relationship does not grow.

I watched the Denver Broncos football came on Sunday and just marveled at the shots from the air, "All those people in the stadium."  (All wearing orange and having spent a bundle to sit there in the cold.)  If I was there, I would be sharing an experience with the people around me but I would not have a relationship with them.  We can do things with people and yet have no relationship.  Think of conversations that you may have had or overheard on an airplane.

To have a relationship with someone, verbal and non-verbal communication has to happen. If I am just with a person and not speaking, this can be bonding as well if a close relationship already exists.   Issler implies from the title of the book that wasting time with God (such a catchy title!) will develop our friendship with God. I will read on to see exactly what he means. The truth is, though, that in order to have a relationship with God or anyone, you have to be intentional as well. When you are in an experience, you have to experience that event with the person or in this context WITH GOD.

For example, let's say you are in a difficult situation at work.  The chaos and complications build daily. How can I experience this time with God?  Or is it just like in the football stadium, God is there with the masses of people but not a part of what is really going on in my mind and heart?

In the spiritual formation community, we talk and write a lot about spiritual disciplines like prayer, fasting, reading the Bible.  I am very positive about spiritual practices.  I would like to emphasize in this posting the spiritual practice (or discipline as it might take just that, discipline) of going through daily experiences, whether exciting, mundane, frustrating, confusing, painful, fun, or frightening with God. I think it takes mental discipline to remember He is there.  How to do that?  Say something to Him, whether in your heart and mind or out loud.  If you are like me, it does help to speak out acknowledgement of His presence.  Often it is easier when there is a struggle or fear.  How much would God, who apparently really wants that kind of relationship with us, delight in that?  

I am touched and delighted when people seek out my presence.  As we are made in His image, I suspect God has those same feelings as well.