As I was digging in the clay, sweating in the sun the other day, I looked up over to my neighbor's garden. The contrast was stark. Tulips, daffodils, poppies, lilacs.... color had burst from the ground. My garden...well, maybe anemic even ugly are the best descriptors. I sighed, having that sense of hopelessness again. I know my neighbor works in her garden, but not the hours that I put in. What is the problem?
Yes, there are problems. For one thing, we have very poor quality dirt. Good garden soil costs money. Once on a walk with a friend, we noticed a beautiful front yard garden and the gardener, puttering happily. Being the shy person that I am, I spoke, "You have a beautiful garden." She said, "Would you like to see the backyard garden?" We enthusiastically said yes and the gate opened to what looked like an English garden from a magazine or movie. She showed me bags and bags of Miracle Gro garden soil. "I am adding this soil all the time to the soil over the summer. This is the only way to grow anything here in Colorado."
So what would it take for my garden to thrive? Okay, good soil
The next problem, water. Colorado is basically a high desert. We don't get a lot of rain. I PRAY for rain! We have an irrigation system, but....it is old and it does not reach all areas. It is a sprinkler system and in the dryness here, water evaporates before it hits the ground. (We turn on the system at 4am to avoid some of the evaporation.)
So what would it take for my garden to flourish? More water!
Another problem....the pine tree. Ah, that tree. I did not realize when we moved in that it is nearly impossible to grow anything under a pine tree. Our eldest son and my husband diligently created what was to be a gorgeous flower bed under the tree. We did not know that few plants or flowers would survive as the pine needles fell like rain, turning the soil toxic.
What would it take for that garden to thrive? Cutting down that tree
For my garden to thrive, I would have to need to make a real effort.
All this made me think about relationships. I have found that there are some relationships in my life that are just easy. It does not take much for those relationships to flourish. There are other relationships that are a lot like my garden. For there to be any beauty or "fruit," the effort needed is enormous.
I have shared these thoughts with someone who has a personality quite different than mine. Her response was, "If the relationship is not working or too much work, just give up." I thought of my garden. Should I just give up and enjoy the beauty of my neighbor's garden? There are some relationships that we probably should not give up on ie. marriage, family ties, work colleagues. Actually, we can give up on any of those relationships in our contemporary culture, but should we?
The alternative is to give those relationships the extra work, time, effort, and possibly money, needed for transformation.
What can he or she do for the relationship to flourish?
1. The relationship needs some "new soil."
Help needs to be brought in from the outside (counseling?)
Mark 4: 8
Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, some multiplying thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times."
2. The relationship needs life-giving "water. "
The living water of Christ infused in the relationship can bring growth. Jesus is like the sun (a pun, kind of- The Son of God!)
John 4:14
But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life."
Encouraging, kind words are like water to a thirsty, parched relationship.
He will drink from the brook by the wayside; Therefore he will lift up his head.
Proverbs 10: 11 (NLB)
The words of the godly are a life-giving fountain.
3. The relationship needs "tree removal."
I was thinking about adding Mark 9: 43 (Jesus using hyperbole!), but who wants to read about cutting off hands? You get the idea. The "tree" has to go. If there is something toxic in the relationship, if at all possible, toxicity must be removed. Of course, this might be very difficult, again requiring time, effort, humility, healing.... a miracle of transformation in someone's character.
4. The relationship needs hope.
Proverbs 13: 12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
As foolish as it might seem, every spring, I have renewed hope thatt the garden will be different this year. I am not able to do some of the things that might make my gardening life easier, yet I don't give up. I can say the same about dealing with relationships. Perseverance and hope are character qualities that don't just "spring up" (note the pun 😃). Spiritual formation in my life takes perseverance, hope and trust in our Triune God. God, who made the sun and brings the rain, can bring life to a struggling garden. He also can give life to a struggling relationship. Jesus knows about relationships. He exists in perfect relationship with the Father and the Spirit. Christ lived on earth with family and followers, experiencing relationships.
Don't give up on your garden or a troubled, difficult relationship. The transformation in YOU might be beauty you cannot imagine.
Neighbor's garden now
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| My garden😔 |
