Spiritual director, coach, mentor,disciple-maker, counselor???

Having formally studied the topic of spiritual formation, someone asked me recently, "Are you a spiritual director?"  I was not sure how to answer that question.  I spend a lot of time with people talking about their spiritual lives. Often I feel like what I do fits into any one one of those titles.  One of the reasons I don't have a business card is that I don't know what to put on it. I think I might just put my name and email address.

Going from last to first titles, here are my thoughts:

Counselor:  One of my friends was a very busy wife and mother when she decided to earn her masters degree in counseling.  She studied long and hard.  She also put in the time and energy to gain certification. She is a professional. She meets weekly with clients, attends professional conferences, and reads extensively so she can really serve her clients. She is my friend and when we meet we often discuss clinical issues. I have learned a lot about psychotherapy from her.

Disciple-maker:  I originally listed discipler not disciple-maker, but a squiggly red line appeared underneath the word as I expected since discipler is not a word.  Dallas Willard was one of the people who used the word apprentice to describe a person who is following Jesus as well as looking to a more experienced believer for leadership and training.  I asked Google, "What is the name of the person who trains an apprentice?"  I did not find an answer but I did notice that the contemporary term for an apprentice is intern.  I use the phrase disciple-maker because disciple is a biblical word and my profession (my life?) has revolved around the Bible.  Jesus' last command was, "Go and make disciples......" (Matthew 28: 19,20).

A few years ago I met a young woman who had recently decided to follow Christ. She asked me to disciple her.  Every Wednesday night she came over to my home and we sat together, going over different aspects of the Christian life.  She did not shadow me as an apprentice might.  I hoped I was encouraging her to "shadow Christ" each day. She was like a "dry sponge," very eager to learn. There was a high degree of accountability in our relationships that she put on herself.  She always did homework before our times together.  I saw this relationship as making a disciple of Jesus.

Mentor: I will use the above young lady as an example of the protege-mentor relationship.  At this time in our friendship....momentary diversion: (She is a dear friend as most people I interact with become a friend. Remember an extrovert has MANY FRIENDS and I consider them all special. Yes, they can ALL be special.)  At this time in our friendship, our relationship is not so much about the basics of the Christian life as now she asks questions about specific skills of ministering and serving others.  She does ask good questions but I also share ideas and thoughts with her that are more directive.

Coach: Coaching is really a rather new concept in Christian circles.  I think the idea is relatively new in business circles as well.  There are all kinds of opportunities to learn to coach and become certified so that a person can make big bucks coaching.  I know of a man who charges $400/hour to coach in the business context.  Coaching (note this is not athletic coaching; that kind of coaching is more directive) has these two basic characteristics:  The coachee (not a word, try again), learner, student directs the sessions;  The coach's skill is in asking the right questions and listening so that the plan for change comes from the learner and not the coach.

I am in the role of coach with a very capable and mature woman now.  She was selected for coaching for her own development personally as well as for her contribution to the organization she works for. I am a bit of a novice so the coaching questions don't come naturally but I am learning.

Spiritual director:  I've been a follower of Jesus for forty years but only heard of a spiritual direction ten years ago while I studied in a spiritual formation degree program at a seminary.  Spiritual directors have been active in Catholicism, my spiritual heritage, for centuries although I'd never heard of a spiritual director.  Nuns and priests engaged and acted as spiritual directors but spiritual directors did not really operate in the church at large. What makes a spiritual director different from all the above?  First, spiritual directors target our human orientation of independence from God and others and our proclivity to sin.  I hesitate writing sin only because at this time in history, people tend to dismiss the concept of sin.  We all have the propensity for self absorption, rebellion, stubbornness, gossip, anger, harsh words.  I could go on but all those things are sin. And the word sin is in the Bible.

Spiritual directors do not solve psychological problems per se.  Even though some Christian counselors have moved away from counseling in the clinically sense and only practice spiritual direction, I think there is still a need for counselors. I have been in situations when I knew that the dysfunction was beyond anything I could do except pray for the individual.

A spiritual director's hope is to guide the person to listen to the Holy Spirit, through the Bible, through the still small voice of the Lord, and even through words of the person's community.  A mentor gives his or her opinion, teaches and trains.  A spiritual director must be a person who listens more than speaks, prays more than asks good questions, and directs the person toward a greater intimacy with God.

A coach must be trained to listen and ask astute questions to help a person grow personally and professionally.  A spiritual director anticipates growth for his or her client (not really a good word but directee is not a word). However the growth may not be quickly or easily discernible because the transformation is between the person and God.

I had a number of sessions with a spiritual director. The woman appeared to have a deep relationship with God.  She had walked with God many years and that alone attracted me. We had very different personalities and theological backgrounds.

Can anyone be a spiritual director?  I met a man who had been a pastor, had theological training and decided to hang a shingle, set a fee structure, make a business card and become a spiritual director. Who is or should be a spiritual director?  A spiritual director can be described as: a person who has an cherished and enduring history with God; a follower of Jesus with a thorough and ever growing understanding of the Bible; a thinking and discerning person with a steadfast prayer life; and a person with an almost burning desire to encourage people toward an understanding that God as we know Him in Trinity truly is personal, loving, gracious and good.