Please check out Alex Berger's entire blog listed below.
"Silence. It is something Americans hate. In your typical American conversation you’ll rarely find such a thing as a comfortable silence, a reflective silence, or a natural silence. For the average American in a normal conversation there’s really only one type of silence and that is awkward silence. A type of silence that we’re taught from childhood to avoid at all costs. This stems in large part from the American conversational approach which I think can best be described as conversational layering with each person quickly layering on new overlapping information in rapid succession. Add in the fast-paced rapid-fire approach to speaking common among most Americans and you’ve got a recipe for frustration and perceived arrogance when talking to Nordics / Scandinavians (and other internationals)."
The author analyzes American conversation habits especially related to silence and the Nordic culture. I do not think all Americans converse as he portrays our culture. Maybe he perceives most Americans as extroverts but I know some very quiet people in my culture. However, his points are perceptive, well-taken and instructive.
1. Americans practice what he calls affirmation behavior in a conversation. I would say extroverts do this, generally speaking. I know this from having strong introverts in my family. I say something and I not only do not get a verbal response, but often there is no facial movement and I wonder if I've been heard (especially if the person has some hearing loss!) I say this as the speaker. Alex Berger, author of the blog, makes a good point that when a non-American (and I would change this to introvert) is speaking and the listener is trying to communicate sympathy, affirmation, interest, engagement or agreement, the speaker might take this communication a different way. "I’ve found they often confuse non-native speakers who see them either as an interruption, inquiry, or dismissive attempt to speed the person up." I APPRECIATE this perspective as it had not occurred to me.
2. His second point related to interruptions. As an extrovert, I confess that I do this. I get very excited in a conversation and I will blurt something out. I am not proud of this behavior and work at restraint. Alex Berger wrote that an American (again, extroverted American in my thinking) will jump into a conversation during a brief pause when the speaker really is just collecting his or her thoughts and not finished yet.
3. Then there are the long sentences and tangents of "American" speakers. Guilty. He wrote that Nordic people pride themselves on simple, concise sentences. People that speak in simple, short sentences have probably done all the thinking and processing in their heads before they speak. An extrovert, as I have mentioned before in this blog, processes verbally, out loud, sometimes even talking to herself. However, yes, I can see this might really frustrate a "Nordic" person.
4. I like this next point: perceived unhappiness. I smile here. Yes, I admit when I am talking with someone who does not move a facial muscle, stares at me, makes no noise in a conversation, I think the person is upset about something, uninterested, bored or considers me stupid.
5. Extroverts really have to control themselves with his next point: jumping in to help a person find a word. He is so right that "Americans" want to help a person find a word in English during a conversation. The truth is, extroverts often do this talking to people in their home culture. Alex Berger said that this trait can come across as disrespectful and I would add, a way of rushing the conversation. Americans as a culture tend to rush. We are not the only contemporary rushing culture. Has anyone out there been to Singapore or Hong Kong???
What does all this have to do with spiritual formation? I think about transformation in character through the power of Christ. Transformation of my character takes place in conversation with others, especially developing as a good listener.
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