Really "out there spiritual formation" looking for a church home

The plus and minus of finding a new church community:

My topic does not exactly fit the blog yet maybe it does. Spiritual formation happens during loneliness, change, feeling uncomfortable and in times of sadness.

For someone who has always attended church, and sees the value of the community, leaving one church and looking for another is a painful experience. Yes, I use the word "painful."  There are the losses of the leaving. What are those losses? Disappointment about what is going on at the church; the loss of friends and familiarity.

A little history: we had been attending a church for 19 years. The church has gone through many changes and difficulties.  We always sensed we would "hang in there."  Over these years, friends of ours changed church homes a number of times. I don't judge them for that-they had reasons. During the last few years, my husband felt compelled to find another community. He tried to connect with people and ministries at our church but there was no traction. I wanted to stay because I was involved with two ministries at the church and I don't like change. 

Finally in the last month, I decided I'd move out of familiar (as discouraging as the "familiar" truly has been) and we'd visit other churches on Sunday morning.

I found myself in tears and apprehension when I'd wake up on Sunday morning. I am an extrovert but I dreaded going into a new place. I would not know anyone. Most often no one would talk to us. I was not going to go up to people and start conversations. No matter how much churches tell their members or attendants to be friendly to strangers, it does not happen. There is that awful feeling of loneliness that takes over as we get in the car.

I found myself saying, "Let's go to another megachurch. That way we can be invisible and I might get a free gourmet coffee."

The megachurches all seem to be doing the same things.

 How to be a megachurch in the 21st century:

1. Have a sign or just have the pastor say, "Remember you are loved."  I hear that everywhere and it so bugs me. What is that supposed to mean? Sounds nice, just throwing it out there, but love means some kind of commitment and decision.  Meaningless words yet there they are.   Is this supposed to help the lonely, hurting person feel loved? How random is that.  

2. Make sure the worship leader is very hip- cool haircut, great clothes, smiles incessantly when not showing earnest emotion.

3. If there is a choir, make sure everyone dresses in the same color scheme. Funny thing from last week's visit, I actually wore the correct color scheme for choir participation.  My husband said, "With those hundred plus in the choir, you could have just walked up there and joined them." Should have. I wonder what people would have done. Probably nothing. I was invisible, remember?

4. Have a coffee bar. Yes, the plus of finding a new church- the new thing is the coffee bar and if you are a visitor, you get a coupon for a free gourmet coffee. Well, not at all the megachurches. Didn't happen last week. 

5. Setting the mood or whatever. Have strange geometrical shapes and changing colored lights blinking during the "worship singing."  I hope there are no seizure-prone people attending these services. Oddly enough, the colors change with the mood of the song and even the color of the pastor's shirt. 

6. About The pastor.  Shaved head is good. No suit- no way.  If the pastor does per chance wear a jacket, it needs to be one of those "Oh dear, that jacket looks small and tight on him."  Some pastors have "entrance music" sort of like "Here's Johnny" said Ed McMahon. (For younger readers, that is a reference to the Johnny Carson show.) 

7. About the "message."  I, for one, don't insist a verse by verse expositional sermon from the Bible at a church. What is important at these churches in the message is stories. And use that "story" word all the time to the point of irritation.

Being someone who believes that the Bible is God's Word and studying the Book of Acts in particular, I value community and church.  I still believe that we need accountability and relationships with people that are not just like us. I know that some Jesus followers don't attend a church these days. They might listen to sermons on line or attend a small group and consider that is the fellowship and community they need.  Those in the online church can hide well.  In a small group, people tend to become like each other and that is another form of isolation.

The churches in the book of Acts were diverse: Greeks, Jews, barbarians, Scythians (just learned about them from Hardcore History podcast- a scary, violent, murderous bunch) and I wouldn't doubt people of many different "colors" and ethnicities.  You won't get that listening to sermons online or being in a small group of friends. 

Besides the free gourmet coffee, what are "pluses" of this journey? Novelty, I suppose. Seeing what other churches are like. Noticing how many churches are similar. Hearing different pastors preach. Being able to write a somewhat cynical blog.

 I will readily admit a couple of the sermons during the church-home-hunt have really touched my mind and spirit. 

So the search continues.

I am thinking about calling churches and asking if there is a free gourmet coffee for first-time visitors.

A friend alerted me to this link.  I ditto what Pamela Hawkins wrote!
http://day1.org/2722-extroverted_contemplation

Extroverted Contemplation

January 26, 2011

by Pamela C. Hawkins

I am still sifting through the comments of a couple of my friends. I tend to trust that God has joined me in this kind of pondering when a seemingly sidebar conversation settles into my thoughts and makes a home there until I go back and check it out. On two different occasions when talking about our spiritual lives and practices, my friends each said that they were “not contemplatives” because they just had no desire to be alone and quiet with God. They each consider "contemplative" as a kind of static, inactive [but not passive] way of being with God. And, they each described their spirituality as active and mission oriented.

Because I know and love these friends, I was less inclined to become defensive on the spot as I might, had the comments been made by strangers. Because I do long for, seek, and experience God in solitude and silence, I am often characterized as a contemplative. But I also act. God presses and leads me to an active engagement in the world, and although that may not come as easily for me as for my friends for whom that is a primary response to God, it is still part of my longing and life.

But what I have really had on my mind is the question: what is contemplation? What are the marks of a contemplative life? Can contemplation not also be an extroverted, active response? I really believe so. I have seen people who light up and burn with the love of God, as if no one else is around, while they are engaged in mission and outreach. They seem at one with God in moments of extroverted, passionate care for God’s world and creation. Can that not be a form of contemplation?

How each of us finds our home in God, become one with God’s call for our life, become more formed in the image of God-With-Us, this will vary like snowflakes or river rocks. But ultimately, if we seek God personally, communally, and long to attend to God individually [even when in a crowd or in worship or in a cloister or in a classroom], is this not all space for contemplation?

Pamela C. Hawkins is a United Methodist pastor currently serving The Upper Room as managing editor ofWeavings: A Journal of the Christian Spiritual Life. Prior to her work with Weavings, she served in local church, seminary, and editorial ministries giving particular attention to spiritual life practices and care of clergy and lay leaders.

The Sabbath

Is The Sabbath an archaic, anachronistic tradition or is it something worthwhile and for our good?

In many books on Spiritual Disciplines, keeping the Sabbath is listed as a spiritual practice. In some Christian traditions, it's still a commandment.

Once when facilitating a session on Sabbath-keeping, I received a lot of "push-back" from some of the students referring to Hebrews 4: 9, "There remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God."  Because of what Christ accomplished on the cross, we don't have to "keep the Sabbath holy."

However, what if Sabbath-keeping is a good idea?  And what would that look like?

Why would Sabbath-keeping be a good idea?

 I think many with a secular mindset use Sundays as a day off.  Some might bike ride, watch football games, and do no work.  For a believer, what would a day different from the rest of the week look like?

Some might see church as a way of making the day different. I think that is a reasonable.  What other things could we cut out that would give us a unique, even restful day?  How about not using the computer for work or catching up on emails?

There are some excellent books, written in the last twenty-five years about Sabbath-keeping. The first one I read was Keep the Sabbath Wholly, by Marva Dawn. One of the main themes is that when we choose not to accomplish task after task related to our "work," on a Sabbath day, whatever that might be, we are kind of saying, "I am not so indispensable that I cannot take time off from work."  I pondered that thought. Being a person who thrives on accomplishing tasks, checking off items on my do-list, giving up a day of "work" feels unnerving.  I do not think of what I do as so important but I do like to finish things and get things done.

What would a Sabbath day look like?  I think this would vary widely. For some it might mean going to church, sitting in worship and listening to biblical teaching, connecting with friends. For another, that might seem like "work" on some Sundays or might even be "work" for a pastor or person on a church staff.

For a person energized by people, Sabbath-keeping might be having coffee with a friend and talking about vacation plans or something life-giving. For a person who is exhausted by people, Sabbath-keeping might be a day alone, reading and resting.

How about gardening? I am refreshed as I garden but then I am also accomplishing tasks......

How a person makes that one day unique might also change at different times of life. I think of my adult children who are now caring for babies and toddlers. How do parents of young children or even teens practice Sabbath?  I would suggest that Sabbath-keeping would be minimal in terms of requirement and maximum on simplicity and refreshment. Taking a nap might be the most "holy" practice for young parents.

Simply, a Sabbath day would be a day different from the rest of the week where the focus is God.   When I write "focus on God," I mean everything about God that includes creation, the beauty of the world, Jesus Christ, God's Word. The list could go on and on.  Some might find thinking on deep theological issues refreshing on the Sabbath, reading the Bible or a good book that is focused on God.

I thought about Sabbath when I visited Miami Beach last year.  On Friday night, I watched groups of Orthodox Jews walk to the synagogue. Some of the men wore the traditional hats (two different kinds actually) and the women wore head coverings and long skirts.  No one drove in a car.  I wondered if "less Orthodox" Jews wore more contemporary dress during the other 6 days then wore more traditional outfits and did not drive on the Sabbath.  Senator Joseph Lieberman wrote a short book on the Sabbath  and he wrote how he would not drive or even be in a car after sunset on a Friday night if he had to work late at the Capital. He walked to the synagogue then home along the streets in Washington DC.

For me, including a Sabbath day takes planning. Jews actually do just that, they plan.  Starting on Wednesday that week, the faithful begin to plan their work so that they will be finished for the Sabbath.

What is important is finding that balance of truly making the day unique, spending time thinking about God, thinking about things that truly matter and not becoming burdened with self-imposed obligations that result in restlessness, worry and tension.  We who believe in Christ and what He did for us have this wonderful freedom in how we live.  I wonder how the Orthodox Jews with their clothing requirements and knowing their strict regulations, feel as they fulfill the regulations of their Sabbath.  Do they find this a burden or a joy? Possibly the structure they have kept for centuries is attractive and might be life-giving and refreshing.

One wonders too, "What might God think about all this?  Does He care?"  Is He delighted that we might take time out of the madness of our culture to think of Him, make a day different from the rest and possibly feel more encouraged with the coming week?  I write all this because people describe their lives as harried, busy, overwhelming, hectic, exhausting. We cannot be going on vacation all the time and often our vacations are harried and hectic. So maybe God's commandment He gave Moses is ultimately for our health and well-being.