Really "out there spiritual formation" looking for a church home

The plus and minus of finding a new church community:

My topic does not exactly fit the blog yet maybe it does. Spiritual formation happens during loneliness, change, feeling uncomfortable and in times of sadness.

For someone who has always attended church, and sees the value of the community, leaving one church and looking for another is a painful experience. Yes, I use the word "painful."  There are the losses of the leaving. What are those losses? Disappointment about what is going on at the church; the loss of friends and familiarity.

A little history: we had been attending a church for 19 years. The church has gone through many changes and difficulties.  We always sensed we would "hang in there."  Over these years, friends of ours changed church homes a number of times. I don't judge them for that-they had reasons. During the last few years, my husband felt compelled to find another community. He tried to connect with people and ministries at our church but there was no traction. I wanted to stay because I was involved with two ministries at the church and I don't like change. 

Finally in the last month, I decided I'd move out of familiar (as discouraging as the "familiar" truly has been) and we'd visit other churches on Sunday morning.

I found myself in tears and apprehension when I'd wake up on Sunday morning. I am an extrovert but I dreaded going into a new place. I would not know anyone. Most often no one would talk to us. I was not going to go up to people and start conversations. No matter how much churches tell their members or attendants to be friendly to strangers, it does not happen. There is that awful feeling of loneliness that takes over as we get in the car.

I found myself saying, "Let's go to another megachurch. That way we can be invisible and I might get a free gourmet coffee."

The megachurches all seem to be doing the same things.

 How to be a megachurch in the 21st century:

1. Have a sign or just have the pastor say, "Remember you are loved."  I hear that everywhere and it so bugs me. What is that supposed to mean? Sounds nice, just throwing it out there, but love means some kind of commitment and decision.  Meaningless words yet there they are.   Is this supposed to help the lonely, hurting person feel loved? How random is that.  

2. Make sure the worship leader is very hip- cool haircut, great clothes, smiles incessantly when not showing earnest emotion.

3. If there is a choir, make sure everyone dresses in the same color scheme. Funny thing from last week's visit, I actually wore the correct color scheme for choir participation.  My husband said, "With those hundred plus in the choir, you could have just walked up there and joined them." Should have. I wonder what people would have done. Probably nothing. I was invisible, remember?

4. Have a coffee bar. Yes, the plus of finding a new church- the new thing is the coffee bar and if you are a visitor, you get a coupon for a free gourmet coffee. Well, not at all the megachurches. Didn't happen last week. 

5. Setting the mood or whatever. Have strange geometrical shapes and changing colored lights blinking during the "worship singing."  I hope there are no seizure-prone people attending these services. Oddly enough, the colors change with the mood of the song and even the color of the pastor's shirt. 

6. About The pastor.  Shaved head is good. No suit- no way.  If the pastor does per chance wear a jacket, it needs to be one of those "Oh dear, that jacket looks small and tight on him."  Some pastors have "entrance music" sort of like "Here's Johnny" said Ed McMahon. (For younger readers, that is a reference to the Johnny Carson show.) 

7. About the "message."  I, for one, don't insist a verse by verse expositional sermon from the Bible at a church. What is important at these churches in the message is stories. And use that "story" word all the time to the point of irritation.

Being someone who believes that the Bible is God's Word and studying the Book of Acts in particular, I value community and church.  I still believe that we need accountability and relationships with people that are not just like us. I know that some Jesus followers don't attend a church these days. They might listen to sermons on line or attend a small group and consider that is the fellowship and community they need.  Those in the online church can hide well.  In a small group, people tend to become like each other and that is another form of isolation.

The churches in the book of Acts were diverse: Greeks, Jews, barbarians, Scythians (just learned about them from Hardcore History podcast- a scary, violent, murderous bunch) and I wouldn't doubt people of many different "colors" and ethnicities.  You won't get that listening to sermons online or being in a small group of friends. 

Besides the free gourmet coffee, what are "pluses" of this journey? Novelty, I suppose. Seeing what other churches are like. Noticing how many churches are similar. Hearing different pastors preach. Being able to write a somewhat cynical blog.

 I will readily admit a couple of the sermons during the church-home-hunt have really touched my mind and spirit. 

So the search continues.

I am thinking about calling churches and asking if there is a free gourmet coffee for first-time visitors.