Spiritual Formation and Extroverts
A
revelation from hummingbirds
The
woman looked intently across the table at me.
“It must be hard for you, she somberly said. “Your personality type seems to conflict with
‘this world.’” Let me clarify two
things: my personality type and “this world.”
I am an extrovert. I process
verbally, think aloud, am energized by people, and am enthusiastic. I am often described as hyper and
overwhelming. This world? The woman across the table, serenely sipping
tea meant the world of spiritual formation.
What
is that world? The world of Christian
spiritual formation in a hodgepodge of contemporary and ancient writers,
practices or disciplines—new and old, blogs, study programs, and retreat
centers all related to serious, intentional transformation. I am limiting this article to spiritual
formation rooted in the Bible, trinitarian understanding of God and dedicated
to the glory of Christ.
Back
to the conversation... This dear lady had no intention of maligning me. In fact, I believe she wanted to help me.
She had a serene affect, a gentle voice, and carried the title spiritual
director. She spent her time guiding
Christians in quiet conversation towards a closer connection with the work of
the Holy Spirit in their lives.
Her
conversation with me was not going well.
I tried to communicate my deep thoughts of God, but I had to speak them
to her. I did not always know what I
meant until I actually said the words. My
hands moved along with my mouth (thanks to my Italian heritage). I sometimes jerked with excitement about a
thought.
At
the end of our hour conversation, the preplanned time limit, I thought we’d
pray. She blew out the candle and sent
me away with the encouragement to spend time in silence and listen to what God
would say to me. We did not pray
together.
It
was time for a Frappucino. I was
unsettled, confused and there was no one to process with.
Fast
forward to a retreat as part of a requirement in my doctoral coursework,
“Leadership in Community Spiritual Formation….”
I reflected on my oxymoronic life.
Here I was, studying spiritual formation even with “leadership” in the
course work description, yet sensing a disconnect with others in this
community. I admired the others and, I
admit, fleetingly wished I could be more like them.
One
professor told me about his life-changing six weeks at a Catholic retreat
center. He spent most of those days in
silence, with short periods processing in few words with one of the monks
acting as his spiritual director. A
well-respected, popular “spiritual formation” author wrote that a person cannot
hear the Lord unless he or she spends extended time in silence and solitude.
(The thought still makes me cringe.) Another friend looked me squarely in
the eye and said, “Why would anyone want to speak in God’s presence?”
I
sat at the retreat, wistfully looking out at my classmates scattered across the
property. They sat still, not even
writing in their journals, in deep contemplation and prayer. I looked up at the sky helplessly. Then I heard and noticed something buzz overhead.
Not just one, but six diminutive, vividly colorful hummingbirds darted
into the feeder near me. What beautiful
birds, I thought. Fascinated, I watched
them fly in all directions, up, down, sideways, even holding still. Occasionally I’d catch a glimpse of their
iridescent wings, flapping as I later found out up to eighty times a second.
The
tiny birds flitted around me, stopping only to feed on the nectar in the feeder. Hummingbirds epitomize the word “fast.” A hummingbird flies
at an average speed of 25-30 miles per hour (that is a lot for a tiny bird) and
can do a fast dive at up to 60 miles per hour. (http://www.worldofhummingbirds.com/faqs.php). Their little hearts race requiring an
enormous amount of energy. Hence, they
feed constantly. Most of their
nourishment comes from the nectar of flowers.
We humans can enjoy them, if we live in the right place and high enough
elevation, along with a feeder. And I
was enjoying them.
How
delightful to see this activity, such evidence of God’s humor and creatively,
right before me as I found myself stuck and crestfallen at this retreat.
Then,
as if hearing a voice, “There you are, Lisa.”
“Where,
God?” I said to myself.
“Look
at the birds. You are like them and I am pleased with you.”
I
sat up, stunned into a silent (rare) moment.
I almost cried out in my elation.
“I am like the hummingbird and it is okay with God!”
Like
the hummingbird, I talk and move fast. I
can be irritating to people with my humming noise (talking) and the way I hover
around people. Yet I know that I need to
stop and gain nourishment from the Well that never runs dry and the Water that
satisfies my thirst (John 4).
Thus
began the focus of my further study in the spiritual formation program. I am an extrovert, human form of a
hummingbird, and I wanted to grow deeply into Christ. I not only needed to accept myself as God had
made me, but also to figure out how to “do spiritual formation,” practice
spiritual disciplines, in a way that energized, refreshed and nourished my
soul.
During
those enriching years of coursework, a dark and ominous cloud hung over my
head. “What am I going to do for the final project and mammoth paper so that I
can finish?
In
frequent conversations with others, especially my husband, and my constant
habit of journaling, the Lord formed an idea.
Why not write about my something close to my heart? Why not write about the struggle I have had
as an extrovert in “this world?” I wrote
my final integrative essay in a more personal way but a doctoral thesis is not
a memoir or a blog. This was to be an
academic exercise at a “high” level. As
I began, I remember the kindly and encouraging director saying to me, “This is
going to be hard for you, Lisa, but you can do it.” He was a prophet. It was hard, a process filled with tears and
frustration.
The
project consisted of two parts. The
first three chapters included an introduction of the subject, the biblical
foundation, and then the theoretical grounding for the topic.
Chapter
four explained the researchable problem and the design of the project. The problem stated this way: Extroverted
Christian women do not feel that they can engage in certain spiritual formation
disciplines because the disciplines do not fit their personality type. (The
project could relate to either gender but it was not possible to work with both
genders so the problem needed to specify “women.”) In order to research this
problem, I designed a six-session course on spiritual disciplines for
extroverted women. The sixteen women in
two different groups took a personality test to “prove” they tested extrovert
on the Myer Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI).
In order to assist my analysis, the women completed a simple
questionnaire related to their spiritual growth, and took the Spiritual
Assessment Inventory (SAI) developed by Dr. Todd W. Hall and Dr. Keith Edwards
before the first session and after the final session.
The
groups met for six sessions, each session related to a different spiritual
formation theme. The six themes were Truth, The Tongue, Time, Talking
with God, Tradition and Temptation. One
spiritual discipline relating to each of the themes was practiced in community
during each of the sessions. The format
for the six sessions included prior reading material, the practice of the
spiritual discipline in community, and discussion of the process.
Session
one focused on the theme Truth. The basis for this theme was the Word of
God, the source of truth for the believer.
The group practiced in community the spiritual discipline referred to as
meditation on Scripture, devotional reading or lectio divina. This
spiritual discipline is often taught as a private spiritual practice. However, extroverts often learn and
experience on a deeper level when they process in a group.
Session
two focused on the theme of The Tongue. Extroverts tend to process
verbally and enjoy talking. Disciplines
related to this topic are especially difficult for the extrovert whereas
introverts tend to enjoy silence and the accompanying discipline of solitude.
Many spiritual formation authors consider silence to be a critical if not
mandatory part of spiritual transformation.
For the extrovert, he or she might find this discipline frightening and
unfruitful because of their need to process aloud. The goal of this session was to introduce the
discipline of silence in a community environment. After a short discussion, the participants
surrendered their phones and spent a short amount of time in silence and
solitude. We returned to the group
setting and discussed our experiences.
Session
three was on the theme of Time. Many of
the spiritual disciplines relate to time in a general way. When people disengage from others, they
practice solitude. Practicing the
presence of God throughout the day is a spiritual discipline related to how we
view the moments of each day. When
people disengage from work, they experience Sabbath. Some people may have a negative view of
Sabbath due to legalistic practices in their pasts, and this may especially be
true for an extrovert who was forced to retire from all people and activity. However, Sabbath can be tailored in a unique
way for extroverts. I designed our
session as a shortened version of a Sabbath day, beginning with corporate
worship, included some time of quiet and ended with celebration (a special
chocolate mousse dessert).
Session
four focused on the theme Talking with God.
Prayer is essentially communicating with God. Prayer in Scripture is both an individual
practice and a corporate practice. Jesus
discouraged his disciples from praying where others could view them (Matthew 6:
5-6), emphasizing the individual practice of prayer. Christ also taught corporate prayer (Matthew
6: 8-10). The Lord’s Prayer has been
recited in a corporate setting for 2000 years and has become a model for
conversational prayer. The women in the
groups had a great deal of experience in prayer groups. The majority of this session was spent in
prayer over each woman. We read a
passage and then prayed individually for each woman in the group, asking God to
lead each of us in the words we would pray for the individual.
Session
five was on the theme of Tradition.
A common trait for most extroverts is enjoying new and varied
experiences. The idea of tradition might
not be something that inspires an extrovert since some of the ancient and
classic literature can be dry and difficult to understand. Over the centuries, Christians often
memorized rote prayer and hymns as well as Scripture because they did not have
to access to books or they could not read.
Until approximately 150 years ago, a majority of the world’s population
was illiterate. Liturgical worships
lends itself to community. In this
session, we discussed liturgy and practiced the discipline of Scripture memory
in pairs. I shared with the women
different methods of Scripture memory including singing the verses. This session caused the most interest with my
neighbors. One neighbor mentioned she
wondered what was going on as the women met in pairs around my backyard, some
singing, some laughing, others repeating words.
In the review, many of the women said this was one of most enjoyable and
helpful sessions, much to my surprise.
The
final session was on the theme Temptation. Temptation covers many spiritual disciplines
including confession, simplicity, humility, stewardship and detachment. During this session, the groups practiced
both personal confession and corporate confession. Extroverts tend to speak readily but not
necessarily about areas of struggle in their lives. Personal confession involves two levels—examen
(examination of conscience) and confession to others. Examen does not necessarily lead to
confession, but it is a first step in paying attention to the Holy Spirit’s
movement in a person’s life. Confession
in the Catholic tradition involved confessing to a priest. Evangelicals have often settled for
confessing to God alone. Confessing sin
to another person brings light to area of life that needs spiritual
transformation. In this session, the
participants spent time in discussion on accountability and confession. Then the group had time in personal and
corporate confession. Community
energizes extroverts even in areas of life where they are struggling, and
community can serve as a place of encouragement, freedom, and hope.
How
extroverted women are energized for their spiritual formation
Research
involved a quantitative element (the pre and post testing using the SAI). However, those results were not reliable due
to the low number of participants. In
contrast, the qualitative analysis was instructive. Within one month after the end of the
project, I interviewed the 15 participants who finished the study. Four individuals (myself and three persons
unrelated to the study) analyzed the interviews looking for patterns, themes
and trends. Six major themes emerged in
the reviews.
The
most prominent theme identified by all the reviewers was benefit of
practicing spiritual disciplines in community. Nearly all the participants expressed a strong
preference for practicing spiritual disciplines in a community. The observation of this theme was not a
surprise. Verbalizing in community seems
to be a key element in processing for extroverts. Verbalizing seems to impact their ability to
learn, retain, and change behavior. Verbalization
in community and the energy exhibited in the group setting apparently motivated
the women to practice these spiritual disciplines. Extroverts tend to become energized by people
and this preference can be used to help them grow spiritually. Why not
use this preference to encourage spiritual formation although this idea may not
sit well with others? If an extrovert is
required to practice spiritual disciplines alone without the presence of
community or dialogue, they might become frustrated and not even attempt to
grow in their walk with the Lord.
Spiritual
direction as typically practiced involves a director and a single client. Extroverts might benefit from group spiritual
direction. Group spiritual direction
would meet the extroverts’ need for verbal processing and likely energize those
involved.
Observations
regarding the disciplines of silence and solitude relate to the first theme of
verbalization (dialogue) and community. However,
since many of the participants commented specifically on silence and solitude,
these concepts justify a second major theme. One reviewer commented that a majority of
the women said that spending time in solitude or silence is not a negative
experience if there are people around and accessible. These spiritual disciplines might be some
of the most complicated experiences for the extrovert because they feel most
misunderstood. There is nothing like
someone telling an extrovert they cannot speak aloud, even to God, and that
being with other people is not a good thing for them.
Some
of the women in the study voiced a desire to listen better, relating to the
discipline of control of the tongue. We
agreed that control of the tongue can be a weakness in character and behavior
for an extrovert, but there was no need to dismiss dialogue and the need to
verbalize. Some extroverts might have a
sincere desire to develop the disciplines of silence and solitude.
A
third dominant theme was that the participants sensed personal affirmation.
They sensed a “pat on the back” from the
Lord that they can be who they are. Some
of the women used the word “freedom” in their interviews. The camaraderie of the community seemed to
meet a need for the women. Many hoped we
could continue the research group. Diversity
in a small group can certainly be beneficial to the dynamics of a
community. However, in a community with
both extroverts and introverts, extroverts can be misunderstood and maligned as
can the introverts. The introverts may
become frustrated with the need the extroverts have to verbalize and dialogue. The extroverts might become disappointed that
the introverts are not communicating.
A
fourth theme involved the theme Tradition. Although the theme initially confused the
participants, their bewilderment faded during the session. Most did not really change their opinion of
liturgy or become enamored with more contemplative, ancient spiritual formation
literature. It seemed that the women
mentioned this session in the interviews because they enjoyed memorizing
Scripture as a group. Many commented
that they wanted to bring scripture memory into their daily routine.
Memorization
has historically been a proven way that people learn especially when the
printed word was less available. Even
though people in the modern world are able to access the Bible in an instant,
memorization still has a purpose. Memorization
connects the modern world with the ancient world. In the past most of the human population
could not read. A person’s access to the
Word of God was through hearing the Scriptures or memory.
A
fifth pattern related to the theme of Time (spiritual discipline of
Sabbath rest). Many of the participants
expressed disappointment with themselves at their inability to practice this
discipline in their current life circumstances. Many still expressed painful memories of
forced Sabbath. It may have been that as
extroverted children, they felt constrained, bored and even fearful because
they were told not to speak or express outward emotion on the Sabbath. One woman suggested that Sabbath should be
structured to meet the needs of the entire family members, whether extroverts
or introverts.
The
traditional view of the Sabbath seems to emphasize quiet periods with absence
of activity and limited interaction with others. However, Sabbath also includes celebration
with others. (See Marva Dawn’s book, Keeping the Sabbath Wholly.)
The
sixth and final theme from the qualitative research interviews was that
extroverts live, react and even minister “in the moment.”
Some extroverts sense that they know
what to do or say at a certain time although they did not think long about the
situation. This idea seems related to
what author Malcolm Gladwell explains in his book, Blink! Gladwell wrote about how thoughts, words, and
even decisions can happen very quickly because the unconscious mind is
processing faster than the conscious mind. Some people (likely extroverts) are able to
express their thoughts and impressions more articulately and accurately in an
instant. Gladwell does not equate this
ability with extroversion, but the concept seems natural to many extroverts.
The
idea of “in the moment” did not mean that extroverts use this as an excuse for
lack of preparation, but rather they found that they often sensed wisdom and
direction from the Lord in the midst of a conversation with someone else. Although the women in the study approach life
in spontaneous, fun ways, they mentioned that they appreciated the structure of
the sessions as well as how we focused on the topic at hand.
This
somewhat impulsive or casual pattern among extroverts can be observed in a
prayer group with a group of extroverts. Those praying might pray in loud voices, often
interrupting each other out of excitement especially when they have a new
thought either from the Lord or their own active mental processing. This can be rather disconcerting and even rude
to an introvert. Some of the
participants mentioned specific times God had “spoken” to them, giving guidance
or direction, while they were praying with others.
Finally,
all the women in the study groups were heavily involved in ministry in their
context whether missions, their young family or their church. They felt that the research project confirmed
their style of ministry as well as affirming their personality type.
As
noted, the project had an impact on these extroverted participants. I would humbly submit that although spiritual
formation experts and practitioners might suggest that the historical methods
of practicing spiritual disciplines involving more solitary, silent and
contemplative methods bring greater spiritual transformation, this might not be
the case for all people.
Some
psychologists suggest that a majority of the human population is extroverted especially
in the United States. Research indicates
that the division of extroverts and introverts in the North American population
is closer to fifty percent. Regardless
of the percentage, if some element of the population will not or cannot
practice spiritual disciplines in the private, quiet manner, a different
approach might be suggested. It would
seem that tailoring spiritual formation to extroverts would only serve to
enhance this portion of the population’s spiritual growth and bring greater
glory to Christ!
Final
words
The
hummingbird is a mixture of activity and stillness like extroverts. (Extroverts
are at least still when they sleep!) Many extroverts appreciate stillness and
solitude, just not for long periods of time. The hummingbird can be a bit distracting as
the bird jets here and there, sometimes in erratic movements. This can be unsettling to those in their
midst. For all extroverts, I apologize
(a lame apology) for our sometimes disruptive behavior. We do not intend to offend and we are aware
of our need to be sensitive to those with very different personality
preferences.
(based on my doctoral thesis, Denver Seminary 2011, "Exploring the Effects of Tailoring Spiritual Formation to the Extroverted Personality Type in Community for Personal Transformation)
Lisa Horn
