Finally, the short version!

Spiritual Formation and Extroverts

A revelation from hummingbirds

The woman looked intently across the table at me.  “It must be hard for you, she somberly said.  “Your personality type seems to conflict with ‘this world.’”  Let me clarify two things: my personality type and “this world.”  I am an extrovert.  I process verbally, think aloud, am energized by people, and am enthusiastic.  I am often described as hyper and overwhelming.  This world?  The woman across the table, serenely sipping tea meant the world of spiritual formation.

What is that world?  The world of Christian spiritual formation in a hodgepodge of contemporary and ancient writers, practices or disciplines—new and old, blogs, study programs, and retreat centers all related to serious, intentional transformation.  I am limiting this article to spiritual formation rooted in the Bible, trinitarian understanding of God and dedicated to the glory of Christ.  

Back to the conversation... This dear lady had no intention of maligning me.  In fact, I believe she wanted to help me.  She had a serene affect, a gentle voice, and carried the title spiritual director.  She spent her time guiding Christians in quiet conversation towards a closer connection with the work of the Holy Spirit in their lives.

Her conversation with me was not going well.  I tried to communicate my deep thoughts of God, but I had to speak them to her.  I did not always know what I meant until I actually said the words.  My hands moved along with my mouth (thanks to my Italian heritage).  I sometimes jerked with excitement about a thought.

At the end of our hour conversation, the preplanned time limit, I thought we’d pray.  She blew out the candle and sent me away with the encouragement to spend time in silence and listen to what God would say to me.  We did not pray together.

It was time for a Frappucino.  I was unsettled, confused and there was no one to process with.

Fast forward to a retreat as part of a requirement in my doctoral coursework, “Leadership in Community Spiritual Formation….”  I reflected on my oxymoronic life.  Here I was, studying spiritual formation even with “leadership” in the course work description, yet sensing a disconnect with others in this community.  I admired the others and, I admit, fleetingly wished I could be more like them.

One professor told me about his life-changing six weeks at a Catholic retreat center.  He spent most of those days in silence, with short periods processing in few words with one of the monks acting as his spiritual director.  A well-respected, popular “spiritual formation” author wrote that a person cannot hear the Lord unless he or she spends extended time in silence and solitude. (The thought still makes me cringe.)  Another friend looked me squarely in the eye and said, “Why would anyone want to speak in God’s presence?”

I sat at the retreat, wistfully looking out at my classmates scattered across the property.  They sat still, not even writing in their journals, in deep contemplation and prayer.  I looked up at the sky helplessly.  Then I heard and noticed something buzz overhead.  Not just one, but six diminutive, vividly colorful hummingbirds darted into the feeder near me.  What beautiful birds, I thought.  Fascinated, I watched them fly in all directions, up, down, sideways, even holding still.  Occasionally I’d catch a glimpse of their iridescent wings, flapping as I later found out up to eighty times a second.

The tiny birds flitted around me, stopping only to feed on the nectar in the feeder.  Hummingbirds epitomize the word “fast.”  A hummingbird flies at an average speed of 25-30 miles per hour (that is a lot for a tiny bird) and can do a fast dive at up to 60 miles per hour. (http://www.worldofhummingbirds.com/faqs.php).  Their little hearts race requiring an enormous amount of energy.  Hence, they feed constantly.  Most of their nourishment comes from the nectar of flowers.  We humans can enjoy them, if we live in the right place and high enough elevation, along with a feeder.  And I was enjoying them.

How delightful to see this activity, such evidence of God’s humor and creatively, right before me as I found myself stuck and crestfallen at this retreat.

Then, as if hearing a voice, “There you are, Lisa.”

“Where, God?” I said to myself.

“Look at the birds.  You are like them and I am pleased with you.”

I sat up, stunned into a silent (rare) moment.  I almost cried out in my elation.  “I am like the hummingbird and it is okay with God!”

Like the hummingbird, I talk and move fast.  I can be irritating to people with my humming noise (talking) and the way I hover around people.  Yet I know that I need to stop and gain nourishment from the Well that never runs dry and the Water that satisfies my thirst (John 4).

Thus began the focus of my further study in the spiritual formation program.  I am an extrovert, human form of a hummingbird, and I wanted to grow deeply into Christ.  I not only needed to accept myself as God had made me, but also to figure out how to “do spiritual formation,” practice spiritual disciplines, in a way that energized, refreshed and nourished my soul.

During those enriching years of coursework, a dark and ominous cloud hung over my head. “What am I going to do for the final project and mammoth paper so that I can finish?

In frequent conversations with others, especially my husband, and my constant habit of journaling, the Lord formed an idea.  Why not write about my something close to my heart?  Why not write about the struggle I have had as an extrovert in “this world?”  I wrote my final integrative essay in a more personal way but a doctoral thesis is not a memoir or a blog.  This was to be an academic exercise at a “high” level.  As I began, I remember the kindly and encouraging director saying to me, “This is going to be hard for you, Lisa, but you can do it.”  He was a prophet.  It was hard, a process filled with tears and frustration.

The project consisted of two parts.  The first three chapters included an introduction of the subject, the biblical foundation, and then the theoretical grounding for the topic.

Chapter four explained the researchable problem and the design of the project.  The problem stated this way: Extroverted Christian women do not feel that they can engage in certain spiritual formation disciplines because the disciplines do not fit their personality type. (The project could relate to either gender but it was not possible to work with both genders so the problem needed to specify “women.”) In order to research this problem, I designed a six-session course on spiritual disciplines for extroverted women.  The sixteen women in two different groups took a personality test to “prove” they tested extrovert on the Myer Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI).  In order to assist my analysis, the women completed a simple questionnaire related to their spiritual growth, and took the Spiritual Assessment Inventory (SAI) developed by Dr. Todd W. Hall and Dr. Keith Edwards before the first session and after the final session.

The groups met for six sessions, each session related to a different spiritual formation theme.  The six themes were Truth, The Tongue, Time, Talking with God, Tradition and Temptation.  One spiritual discipline relating to each of the themes was practiced in community during each of the sessions.  The format for the six sessions included prior reading material, the practice of the spiritual discipline in community, and discussion of the process.

Session one focused on the theme Truth. The basis for this theme was the Word of God, the source of truth for the believer.  The group practiced in community the spiritual discipline referred to as meditation on Scripture, devotional reading or lectio divina. This spiritual discipline is often taught as a private spiritual practice.  However, extroverts often learn and experience on a deeper level when they process in a group.

Session two focused on the theme of The Tongue. Extroverts tend to process verbally and enjoy talking.  Disciplines related to this topic are especially difficult for the extrovert whereas introverts tend to enjoy silence and the accompanying discipline of solitude. Many spiritual formation authors consider silence to be a critical if not mandatory part of spiritual transformation.  For the extrovert, he or she might find this discipline frightening and unfruitful because of their need to process aloud.  The goal of this session was to introduce the discipline of silence in a community environment.  After a short discussion, the participants surrendered their phones and spent a short amount of time in silence and solitude.  We returned to the group setting and discussed our experiences.

Session three was on the theme of Time.  Many of the spiritual disciplines relate to time in a general way.  When people disengage from others, they practice solitude.  Practicing the presence of God throughout the day is a spiritual discipline related to how we view the moments of each day.  When people disengage from work, they experience Sabbath.  Some people may have a negative view of Sabbath due to legalistic practices in their pasts, and this may especially be true for an extrovert who was forced to retire from all people and activity.  However, Sabbath can be tailored in a unique way for extroverts.  I designed our session as a shortened version of a Sabbath day, beginning with corporate worship, included some time of quiet and ended with celebration (a special chocolate mousse dessert).

Session four focused on the theme Talking with God.  Prayer is essentially communicating with God.  Prayer in Scripture is both an individual practice and a corporate practice.  Jesus discouraged his disciples from praying where others could view them (Matthew 6: 5-6), emphasizing the individual practice of prayer.  Christ also taught corporate prayer (Matthew 6: 8-10).  The Lord’s Prayer has been recited in a corporate setting for 2000 years and has become a model for conversational prayer.  The women in the groups had a great deal of experience in prayer groups.  The majority of this session was spent in prayer over each woman.  We read a passage and then prayed individually for each woman in the group, asking God to lead each of us in the words we would pray for the individual.

Session five was on the theme of Tradition.  A common trait for most extroverts is enjoying new and varied experiences.  The idea of tradition might not be something that inspires an extrovert since some of the ancient and classic literature can be dry and difficult to understand.  Over the centuries, Christians often memorized rote prayer and hymns as well as Scripture because they did not have to access to books or they could not read.  Until approximately 150 years ago, a majority of the world’s population was illiterate.  Liturgical worships lends itself to community.  In this session, we discussed liturgy and practiced the discipline of Scripture memory in pairs.  I shared with the women different methods of Scripture memory including singing the verses.  This session caused the most interest with my neighbors.  One neighbor mentioned she wondered what was going on as the women met in pairs around my backyard, some singing, some laughing, others repeating words.  In the review, many of the women said this was one of most enjoyable and helpful sessions, much to my surprise.

The final session was on the theme Temptation.  Temptation covers many spiritual disciplines including confession, simplicity, humility, stewardship and detachment.  During this session, the groups practiced both personal confession and corporate confession.  Extroverts tend to speak readily but not necessarily about areas of struggle in their lives.  Personal confession involves two levels—examen (examination of conscience) and confession to others.  Examen does not necessarily lead to confession, but it is a first step in paying attention to the Holy Spirit’s movement in a person’s life.  Confession in the Catholic tradition involved confessing to a priest.  Evangelicals have often settled for confessing to God alone.  Confessing sin to another person brings light to area of life that needs spiritual transformation.  In this session, the participants spent time in discussion on accountability and confession.  Then the group had time in personal and corporate confession.  Community energizes extroverts even in areas of life where they are struggling, and community can serve as a place of encouragement, freedom, and hope.

How extroverted women are energized for their spiritual formation

Research involved a quantitative element (the pre and post testing using the SAI).  However, those results were not reliable due to the low number of participants.  In contrast, the qualitative analysis was instructive.  Within one month after the end of the project, I interviewed the 15 participants who finished the study.  Four individuals (myself and three persons unrelated to the study) analyzed the interviews looking for patterns, themes and trends.  Six major themes emerged in the reviews.

The most prominent theme identified by all the reviewers was benefit of practicing spiritual disciplines in community.  Nearly all the participants expressed a strong preference for practicing spiritual disciplines in a community.  The observation of this theme was not a surprise.  Verbalizing in community seems to be a key element in processing for extroverts.  Verbalizing seems to impact their ability to learn, retain, and change behavior.  Verbalization in community and the energy exhibited in the group setting apparently motivated the women to practice these spiritual disciplines.  Extroverts tend to become energized by people and this preference can be used to help them grow spiritually.  Why not use this preference to encourage spiritual formation although this idea may not sit well with others?  If an extrovert is required to practice spiritual disciplines alone without the presence of community or dialogue, they might become frustrated and not even attempt to grow in their walk with the Lord.

Spiritual direction as typically practiced involves a director and a single client.  Extroverts might benefit from group spiritual direction.  Group spiritual direction would meet the extroverts’ need for verbal processing and likely energize those involved.

Observations regarding the disciplines of silence and solitude relate to the first theme of verbalization (dialogue) and community.  However, since many of the participants commented specifically on silence and solitude, these concepts justify a second major theme.  One reviewer commented that a majority of the women said that spending time in solitude or silence is not a negative experience if there are people around and accessible.  These spiritual disciplines might be some of the most complicated experiences for the extrovert because they feel most misunderstood.  There is nothing like someone telling an extrovert they cannot speak aloud, even to God, and that being with other people is not a good thing for them.

Some of the women in the study voiced a desire to listen better, relating to the discipline of control of the tongue.  We agreed that control of the tongue can be a weakness in character and behavior for an extrovert, but there was no need to dismiss dialogue and the need to verbalize.  Some extroverts might have a sincere desire to develop the disciplines of silence and solitude.

A third dominant theme was that the participants sensed personal affirmation.  They sensed a “pat on the back” from the Lord that they can be who they are.  Some of the women used the word “freedom” in their interviews.  The camaraderie of the community seemed to meet a need for the women.  Many hoped we could continue the research group.  Diversity in a small group can certainly be beneficial to the dynamics of a community.  However, in a community with both extroverts and introverts, extroverts can be misunderstood and maligned as can the introverts.  The introverts may become frustrated with the need the extroverts have to verbalize and dialogue.  The extroverts might become disappointed that the introverts are not communicating.

A fourth theme involved the theme Tradition.  Although the theme initially confused the participants, their bewilderment faded during the session.  Most did not really change their opinion of liturgy or become enamored with more contemplative, ancient spiritual formation literature.  It seemed that the women mentioned this session in the interviews because they enjoyed memorizing Scripture as a group.  Many commented that they wanted to bring scripture memory into their daily routine.

Memorization has historically been a proven way that people learn especially when the printed word was less available.  Even though people in the modern world are able to access the Bible in an instant, memorization still has a purpose.  Memorization connects the modern world with the ancient world.  In the past most of the human population could not read.  A person’s access to the Word of God was through hearing the Scriptures or memory.

A fifth pattern related to the theme of Time (spiritual discipline of Sabbath rest).  Many of the participants expressed disappointment with themselves at their inability to practice this discipline in their current life circumstances.  Many still expressed painful memories of forced Sabbath.  It may have been that as extroverted children, they felt constrained, bored and even fearful because they were told not to speak or express outward emotion on the Sabbath.  One woman suggested that Sabbath should be structured to meet the needs of the entire family members, whether extroverts or introverts.

The traditional view of the Sabbath seems to emphasize quiet periods with absence of activity and limited interaction with others.  However, Sabbath also includes celebration with others. (See Marva Dawn’s book, Keeping the Sabbath Wholly.)

The sixth and final theme from the qualitative research interviews was that extroverts live, react and even minister “in the moment.”  Some extroverts sense that they know what to do or say at a certain time although they did not think long about the situation.  This idea seems related to what author Malcolm Gladwell explains in his book, Blink!  Gladwell wrote about how thoughts, words, and even decisions can happen very quickly because the unconscious mind is processing faster than the conscious mind.  Some people (likely extroverts) are able to express their thoughts and impressions more articulately and accurately in an instant.  Gladwell does not equate this ability with extroversion, but the concept seems natural to many extroverts.

The idea of “in the moment” did not mean that extroverts use this as an excuse for lack of preparation, but rather they found that they often sensed wisdom and direction from the Lord in the midst of a conversation with someone else.  Although the women in the study approach life in spontaneous, fun ways, they mentioned that they appreciated the structure of the sessions as well as how we focused on the topic at hand.

This somewhat impulsive or casual pattern among extroverts can be observed in a prayer group with a group of extroverts.  Those praying might pray in loud voices, often interrupting each other out of excitement especially when they have a new thought either from the Lord or their own active mental processing.  This can be rather disconcerting and even rude to an introvert.  Some of the participants mentioned specific times God had “spoken” to them, giving guidance or direction, while they were praying with others.

Finally, all the women in the study groups were heavily involved in ministry in their context whether missions, their young family or their church.  They felt that the research project confirmed their style of ministry as well as affirming their personality type.

As noted, the project had an impact on these extroverted participants.  I would humbly submit that although spiritual formation experts and practitioners might suggest that the historical methods of practicing spiritual disciplines involving more solitary, silent and contemplative methods bring greater spiritual transformation, this might not be the case for all people.

Some psychologists suggest that a majority of the human population is extroverted especially in the United States.  Research indicates that the division of extroverts and introverts in the North American population is closer to fifty percent.  Regardless of the percentage, if some element of the population will not or cannot practice spiritual disciplines in the private, quiet manner, a different approach might be suggested.  It would seem that tailoring spiritual formation to extroverts would only serve to enhance this portion of the population’s spiritual growth and bring greater glory to Christ!

Final words

The hummingbird is a mixture of activity and stillness like extroverts. (Extroverts are at least still when they sleep!) Many extroverts appreciate stillness and solitude, just not for long periods of time.  The hummingbird can be a bit distracting as the bird jets here and there, sometimes in erratic movements.  This can be unsettling to those in their midst.  For all extroverts, I apologize (a lame apology) for our sometimes disruptive behavior.  We do not intend to offend and we are aware of our need to be sensitive to those with very different personality preferences.

Like the hummingbird stopping at a flower or a feeder, I stop for spiritual sustenance.  I am not the well-meaning spiritual director who contemplates silently alone in a room, meditating on God and His Word.  I am like the little bird that jets around from flower to flower making noise, stopping in short bursts for spiritual nourishment.  I accept how God made me as an extrovert.  At the same time, I hope for growth as I experience the God-centered life, transformed by His Spirit into the image of Christ.

(based on my doctoral thesis, Denver Seminary 2011, "Exploring the Effects of Tailoring Spiritual Formation to the Extroverted Personality Type in Community for Personal Transformation)

Lisa Horn